The Body review: An inept film

The Body, based on a 2012 Spanish film of the same name, starts with a missing body. We know from the beginning who is responsible. Or do we? As Hashmi’s two-timing husband acts all hurt and innocent, the cops, led by a bearded middle-aged sleuth (Kapoor), swing into action: was the body stolen? Is Maya really dead? Or is she, shudder, a ghost?

There’s enough meat in the story for it to have been an engaging thriller. But it’s been a while since I watched such an inept film. Everything in it is flat: the plot, the performers, the alleged twists. And that must have taken some doing, given that the filmmakers had a ready-made plot to dip into.

Dhulipala’s Maya is all svelte and twisty, and is to be seen holding a glass of red wine very often. Newcomer Vedhika gets to act weepy and say: tum wahaan se bhaag jao! Hashmi works hard at appearing convincing, but being forced to zip around a morgue for the most part of the movie is a bummer. And Kapoor, as the grizzled sleuth with a tragic backstory, stomps about tossing off instructions to his fellow investigators: Arrest him! Warrant lao! Don’t let him go!

It’s almost as if the cast was at rehearsal, and the cameras started rolling and kept going. And of course, a Bollywood remake has to have a few songs. One has lyrics which go like this: Main jaanta hoon ki teri naa mein chhupi hui si haan hai.

You better believe it.