‘Imtiaz Ali has spent more time with my daughter than I have’: Anurag Kashyap on life’s biggest regret, says ‘it’s too late to apologise’

Asked what he is scared of the most, the filmmaker said, “I’m very scared of losing loved ones. I’ve realised after a long time in the sense that… In my process of pursuing this… One film after another, that so called passion with which I actually enjoy making movies, I left a lot of things behind. I ignored a lot of things. Because when it really hit me hard… When my health slipped from my hand… It was so fast. Because I was working, I was doing yoga, I was swimming… I felt invincible. When it slipped out of my hands… It was like no amount of anything can save you. At that time you feel isolated, you feel alone. And then I realised I have isolated myself, in my pursuit for whatever I was doing. Constantly fighting to make my films my own way, everything…”

He continued, “But there comes a point where I realise my daughter has suddenly grown up. I see her old pictures and I’m like, ‘Oh my god, I miss this.’ I’m sitting with Aarti and Aaliyah’s friend Ida and Ida’s mom Preeti, and Imtiaz… And they’re all talking, and they have these memories of this holiday and this and that. And I’m sitting there and I’m wondering, ‘Where was I?’ And I realise Imtiaz has spent more time with my daughter than I have. And then it eats you up inside. You don’t even know whether to apologise, because it’s too late to apologise. My daughter is all grown up. She has forgiven me. She has come out and talked to me. Why were you always working so much? And I would try to explain I made low budget films. I had to do twice the amount of work. Or three times the amount of work. And she understood, but still, you know, one could have made time.”

Anurag said that because of his rebellious attitude towards the powers that be, his daughter had to face the consequences. “People start attacking her, trolling her. She’s a social media kid. She gets affected by trolling. She started getting anxiety,” he said, revealing that he then decided to become a more mellow person. Anurag has since mostly retreated from Twitter, and said that he is now working hard to take care of his wellbeing. His new film, Kennedy, premiered at this year’s Cannes Film Festival, and will be released at a later date.