Yawn Charade

“After this can we see Big Bang Theory?” I agree. And point to an enormous float with the architectural marvels of our country perched on it, followed by deadly weapons and arsonry. My son’s expression changes from pained to reproachful. The ultimatums fly fast. I threaten maths homework if he doesn’t sit still. In 10 minutes I give up. The impressive display of India’s military might and assorted folk dancers have failed to inspire a 12-year-old, much like it failed to interest me 25 years ago.

Everything has changed in India in the last quarter century except our 26th January commemoration. I’m going to stick my neck out and say what everyone thinks — India’s Republic Day tradition is god awfully outdated and frightfully boring. In the 65 years since we became a Republic, shouldn’t the celebration have changed to reflect the gigantic strides we’ve made? The tableaux from different states roll out with a tedious, mind-numbing sameness, highlighting every cliche about India besides the proverbial snake charmer. The question nobody’s asking (since the answer will be an overwhelming, no) — is this actually what people want to see? Our taxes pay for this spectacle. Our lives in Delhi are disrupted for weeks before in the chaos of preparation. It’s fair to expect, if not entertainment, at least that we shouldn’t be bored out of our minds.

The Parade was started in the ’50’s to instill a sense of nationalism in a fragile country after centuries of colonial rule. It made perfect sense. But six decades later our issues are different and more importantly, our attention spans are a lot shorter. Let us turn to that most formidable arbiter of popularity, You Tube. A two hour-long clip of the Republic Day Parade 2014 has a mere 3,87,850 hits. The Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony 2010 fares worse with just 96,000 hits. While an utterly random “Fat Indian kid dancing” has 12,35, 719 hits. It may be comparing apples and oranges but it’s also a clear indication that governments need to stay out of recreation, since they simply don’t get that an event can be fun without losing it’s inherent meaning. It’s hardly the core competency of
the organisers. They go about it in the way they know best: stodgily, and entirely without imagination.

The symbolism of the first US President attending our Republic Day is significant indeed. He will grin and bear it like countless other politicians have before him. While Mr Obama officiates over the gallant officers collecting their bravery medals, many of my fellow countrymen will mark the occasion by sleeping longer. Others, unable to stick to the pious spirit propagated by the founders of the nation, especially for national holidays, will have had the foresight to stock up for the dry day and celebrate with a cocktail. I plan to devote my morning to watching the Life OK Screen Awards. After all, we, the citizens of India have the power to govern ourselves.