The Mal(e)function

“I really don’t know,” shrugs Rajiv Bakshi,Director Marketing,Discovery Channel. “But,now that you’ve brought this up,I’d love to see some action on the Indian television!” he smiles to say.

On with his new show,Men Can’t Dance,Rajiv Makhni is Managing Editor for Technology and Head of Alternate Media for NDTV,feels the biggest problem with male programming on the telly is that it sticks to a magazine template. “It slots itself into a typical lifestyle format which covers everything that’s considered a man’s area of interest like cars,fashion,grooming,technology,one odd celeb etc – this is the worst way of running a male-centric show.” Rajiv,instead,walks out of the cliched tunnel vision and gives us Men Can’t Dance. “We discuss everything out of the box,and here’s the surprise – men can bond and great conversations can take place without silly double meaning jokes. They have a fairly profound thought process,and in a typical male arena,they talk sense,” Rajiv impresses us with another revelation – “they think that women are superior,intelluctually far ahead,are multi-taskers,technically sound,physically better coordinators and more focused.” Wow!

Statistics and templates don’t make a show. And if you ask a guy on the street a random thing about horse power,torque,HP,cc,his laptop details etc,he’ll be clueless. “Because buying decisions are taken on an emotional level,not practical,” feels Rajiv. So why are then men portrayed in a soft light on Indian telly? “Because a) we are socially conditioned to be like this,and b) the televison programming is replicated straight from a magazine format,so there’s nothing edgy or racey when it comes to men’s shows. Do it yourself? Heck,even our drivers don’t do it themselves! Manual labour is cheap and as for adventure,it’s somethingh the Indian audience is just not ready for,” he says.

The genius behind MTV’s shows and stunts,Bumpy aka Nature Baba comes straight to the point – “The woman of the house rules the remote,and not many men have the guts to fight with them over a remote.” Here’s where the Tata Safari commercial speaks volumes: “Reclaim your life. Break away from the usual and that goes for women too: for god’s sake,break away from those downtrodden saas-bahu concepts!” he begs!

“Taking the road less travelled is a concept not many guys are willing to understand. I’ve worked with NGOs in the rural areas and with city slickers and realised men everywhere in India just don’t have the drive. This philosophy of I’m-the-man-the-breadearner is deep rooted in our psyche. It’s study (usually MBA,medicine,law),job,marry,kids,settle – men are socially conditioned to be like this and by the time he’s 45,he’s a grandpa!” Bumpy blurts out the forbidden truth.

Here’s a newsflash – India is not a young country. “Travel to Jaipur,Bhopal,Indore,it’s the same everywhere,and that’s why there’s no adventure or male-centric programming,” Bumpy feels that men too let go of themselves after marriage. “They forget to live life or groom themselves,” he says. For him,even the women-centric programming is a sham. “I know how much effort went into getting Stunt Mania on the floors. It will appeal to everyone,including the women provided it’s a well told story,and it’s time people start doing their own thing,” reflects Bumpy. According to him,men are more fashion conscious than women,and unfortunately there’s hardly any programming for that too! “Because men fear to be the butt of jokes and resort to that pseudo guy thing,hence turn into a closet shopaholic,” he explains.

“Just see how mothers behave when their sons leave for school,or hostel or a job! We are a melodramatic lot by nature,and adventure is a contradiction to it. We are like this only,” laughs adman and lyricist Prasoon Joshi. Talk to comedian Papa CJ,and he’ll give you a flip side – “Western men fix things around the house because they don’t have a choice. In India many of us have the luxury of servants. Find me a Westerner who lives in India and builds his own cupboards! Westerners seek adventure because they don’t face it in their daily lives. Why don’t you stick a Western man behind the wheel of a car on a Delhi road,or get him to walk one mile in 40 degree heat and stay without electricity? There is that old saying about why single men are lean and married men are fat. It is because when single men look at what is in the fridge,they head to the bedroom. Whereas when married men look at what is in the bedroom,they head to the fridge! However an Indian man looks at what is in the bedroom and heads to the bedroom (possibly after raiding the fridge) – and that people,deserves respect!” Okay Papa!

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