Opinion Two Khans and a royal baby

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the Americans love the British monarchy more than the Brits do. Any doubts on that score were blown away on Monday and Tuesday as CNN’s Becky Anderson talked ceaselessly and cheerfully about the birth of latest addition to the House of Windsor. She stood as close as she could to Buckingham Palace and reported on almost every birth pang experienced by Duchess of Cambridge a few miles away at St Mary’s Hospital. She prepared us for the birth of the possible future monarch with details of the protocol to be followed: how the moment the baby popped out,a messenger would pop over to see Queen Elizabeth II,who would be the first to know what the stork delivered (other than the doctors,nurses and the parents,of course). Then it would be announced on a framed statement for public consumption,then the fountains at Trafalgar Square,which,along with pretty much everything in London except for the skies,had gone blue for the young lad,blah,blah,blah.

On Tuesday,Anderson’s enthusiasm had not been dampened by overnight rain. She eagerly anticipated the “patter of royal feet” (any different from ordinary feet?) and how everyone was waiting to see the b-a-b-y and know his name. But of course: wasn’t that the breaking news of the day? She was joined by Kate,no,not the mother,but Kate Williams,a “royal commentator” who “in all seriousness” discussed,what’s in a name. Williams also revealed that Prince Harry had predicted the child would be boy but people thought he joked — and he’s had the last laugh. Anderson meanwhile,had procured a booklet,titled,“Ssssh,don’t wake the royal baby” that she proceeded to read out for all the royal fanatics watching CNN.

Later on Tuesday,CNN showed us snippets from ABC’s The View,where host Barbara Walters revealed when royal babies first wore disposable diapers (sorry,missed the date). And in the evening,there was Will and Kate + One,a long feature on the duchess from her birth till she met and married her prince charming.

If all of this doesn’t strike you as bizarre,how about a psychologist (or was he a psychiatrist?) being asked to interpret “the body language” of the Salman-Shah Rukh hug (Zee News)? Dr Raheja,to his credit,kept a straight face and “in all seriousness”,answered the question. The Zee News anchor was dissatisfied with his reply: Doctor,Shah Rukh could have simply shaken hands with Salman,but no,they hugged — now,doesn’t that mean something more? Maybe,maybe not. Who cares?

The entire film industry and the crazed fans,that’s who,according Zee News. Well,certainly,the Hindi news channels cared deeply enough to give the “hug” carpet coverage on Sunday night. An India TV “exclusive” played out a video of the entire sequence of events at the Iftar party before the famous embrace,and then took us back five years to Katrina Kaif’s birthday party,where the two Khans fell out. One channel thought the occasion demanded an opinion from Dolly Bindra on the fallout of hug and its implications for the stars,the industry,the fans and of course,for her. Another got hold of Baba Siddique,the Congress leader who had hosted the Iftar party,to explain exactly how the two men had negotiated the meeting. He,in all seriousness,revealed the details of the steps — mainly Salman’s as he walked around the dinner table greeting guests — that led to the rapprochement. Between them,Bindra,Raheja,Malik and Siddique made the Salman-Shah Rukh meeting sound more important than Sino-Indian border talks.

shailaja.bajpai@expressindia.com