Opinion Declaration of Conflict

Anyway,Goswami was forced into admitting that he knew the show’s premise was faulty by this column’s old and dear friend,Suhel Seth. The true joy of the Kingfisher episode of the News Hour was seeing the Suhel vs Arnab battle of one-upmanship. Seth arrived fashionably late,after various travel industry types had already attacked the government viciously for “allowing” badly run airlines to fail,and for “allowing” Indians to travel via Dubai,as if the UPA could conceivably cancel out the allure of the gold-plated Mercedes that fair sheikhdom used to offer one lucky transit passenger a week. Seth promptly joined his voice to that chorus. That’s despite being introduced by Goswami thus: “Let’s go to Suhel Seth for a contrary voice.” All this demonstrates once again that the only voice Goswami actually hears on the show is the voice in his head. (Fair enough,since sometimes the only voice we can hear is his,in ours.)

Seth meanwhile embarked on the sea of disputation in a leaky ship of inapposite metaphors nailed together to look like an argument. Here is a sample: on the suggestion that Mallya’s other companies bail out his airline: “Companies are not run like musical chairs.” On bailouts in general: “You either have a free market or you don’t,you can’t be partially pregnant.” On the troubled aviation sector: “This child suffers from an affliction because you haven’t been able to control the disease,you haven’t vaccinated the sector.”

The overall winner was Goswami,definitely. The moment Seth forced him to admit the show’s premise was pointless,he took the gloves off. “Suhel is not just appearing to speak for Kingfisher,” he told a guest,suddenly. “Suhel is speaking for Kingfisher,Suhel,I’d like to very clearly say,was associated with the launch of Kingfisher.” Wow,a declaration of conflict! Unheard of! Except it comes a little too late into the programme,doesn’t it?

“In the past,” blurted Seth,panicked at this breaking of the rules. He then carefully parsed Goswami’s blunt declaration to make it sound somewhat more socially acceptable: “I’m a good friend of Vijay Mallya,and I’m delighted he’s produced a great brand.”

Goswami then loosed the CPM’s Mohammed Salim on Seth. “I feel pity for Mr Suhel,” said Salim unconvincingly. “I don’t know whether because of friendship,or because of clientele,or because he’s a customer,he’s changing his argument,shifting it… The same person says ‘why subsidise the poor’ when kerosene is being subsidised.”

Seth,in response,quite randomly attacked the CPM for its governance of Bengal.

“Talk about this topic,” said Salim firmly. “Talk about your brand-building… you’ve failed in it,miserably.”

Seth,hoping to dispel any idea that he was shilling for Kingfisher,decided to change the subject completely,to something much,much closer to the heart of the aam admi: “Why is Times Now not running a programme today,” he asked in righteous indignation,“on those airlines,including Air India,charging Rs 53,000 for a return ticket between Mumbai and Delhi? That to my mind is abominable… Instead of Mayawati,they will erect statues of you,Arnab,if you are able to run a sustained campaign against some of those airlines.” All suspicion brilliantly dispelled,sir!

And you don’t force Goswami into a declaration that his premise was faulty and survive unscathed. “Suhel,” said he,as reprovingly as a headmaster to an errant student,you are making a determined attempt to digress.”

Goswami: 4,Seth: 1. Tune in next week for the return engagement.

mihir.sharma@expressindia.com