Opinion A tale of two pageants

And of course,you would be wrong. These adjectives — nay,these superlatives — were used to describe the Queen’s Pageant on Sunday: for once,BBC anchors’ famed stiff upper lips softened and wobbled with loyal emotion as they beheld their Queen Elizabeth II standing on the Spirit of Chartwell,a dignified figure in white against a dull grey backdrop. And the compliments flowed like the River Thames: “it’s extraordinary,majestic… London,England,the world will never forget this day”— or words to that effect.

The Thames almost roared in approval on that chilly,blustery day as the flotilla rowed in and out of view in torrential rainfall. Much to the admiration of the BBC commentators: “So British,nothing dampens their spirits… this is a remarkable scene,magnificent,magnificent”— as if repetition would make it truly magnificent.

BBC Entertainment and BBC World suspended all other programming for more than four hours to watch Her Majesty’s royal subjects — and those of the Commonwealth too (yes,the Indian flag fluttered by) — brave the inclement weather to “row,row row your boat/gently down the stream” at an average speed of 4 knots an hour. Except there was nothing gentle about it — it was jolly “hard work” out there on the Thames — and not easy on the commentary team whose members were either soaking in the atmosphere (quite literally) on the boats and bridges or at a loss for words when faced with a 1,000-boat pageant: “there are many,many boats to come,” admitted one,sounding somewhat inadequate after the first hour; “Beautiful boats aren’t they?” remarked another. Well,what else could they do? Sing “Rule Britannia,Britannia rules the waves”,maybe?

Or occupy themselves by identifying every single member of the Middleton family — you know,those lucky ones related to Kate,Duchess of Cambridge. Why there’s the mother in “blah” colour dress,exclaimed an excited BBC reporter,that’s the father and heeere’s Pippa,the sister,and her brother beside her.

Frankly,after we had seen the Duchess in red,the royal family and the Middleton family,and London Bridge opening up instead of falling down,and all the boats swaying before the TV cameras like a “Monet painting” as the BBC lady described it,there was precious little to look out for — except for boats and more boats.

Why CNN and BBC ignored all the news in the world for the length of the boat ride is puzzling,besides being a bit too smarmy. Does a Diamond Jubilee of a ceremonial monarch weigh more than drone strikes in Aghanistan or a plane crash in Nigeria? And,can we have less genuflecting and curtsies on air,please? Here’s Piers Morgan (CNN): “The Queen looks so regal.” Well,she would,wouldn’t she,being royalty? Ugh.

There was nothing regal about Baba Ramdev and Anna Hazare as they sweat it out in Delhi’s sizzling heat,and yet the Hindi news channels spent the day with them. “Baba Ramdev,Anna Hazare saath saath hain” announced IBN7 like it was a new film release. But it was only a replay of “Kala Dhan” until Arvind Kejriwal launched a broadside against the PM and then abruptly left Jantar Mantar. Whereupon the English news channels that had been largely absent from the daylong fast jumped in gleefully with a new script: Frenemies.

Finally to Satyamev Jayate (Star Plus). Last Sunday,Aamir Khan tackled honour killings and thwarted love. The highlight of the show was Rizwanur Rahman’s mother. Rizwan allegedly committed suicide after marrying Priyanka Todi. His mother movingly described the days and hours before her son’s death. Satyamev Jayate may not bring an end to honour killings but at least it is giving them — and other social monstrosities — a human face hard to ignore.

shailaja.bajpai@expressindia.com