Listen up girls and guys. We're talking about men and women and love.Brilliant original observation women need love. So do men. But you wouldn't believe it to hear them. We are always asking. "Please, Sweetums (or dollypie, or jamuns, or whatever peculiar expression you have currently seized upon), one little kiss. How about a kissy?" Other women are more demanding. "Hug me. Kiss me. You haven't kissed me today / this hour / this minute / this last second."When we need reassurance, we ask. Hey! We're the expressive, demonstrative sex remember? And when we don't get our quota of hugs and kisses and others such physical proof of love we demonstrate.The male expression of desire, of course, as all women know is, "I can't find it." "Where did you put my sock? I can't find it." "Where's the towel? I can't find it." "Where's the sugar?"Where do you think I put the sugar up my nostril? This, of course, is followed by, "I don't know why you touch my things." Because if I didn't this house would looklike a refugee camp in Orissa and you'd have to wrestle the fungus to get in.Much research has led me to the conclusion that men have a problem of congenital selective vision. It starts early in life with mothers who put their socks on their feet and the sugar within their reach, and it progressively worsens until a man virtually needs a map to find his left foot.But none of this has anything to do with not really being able to find things. Do you think that a man who couldn't find his own underwear could hold down a job as a Banker, Accountant, Director, Clerk whatever it is that your man does? Do you think he wanders around office saying, "I can't find it?"It has to do with you proving that you love him.In 1976, they did a little experiment in Houston, Texas. They asked 10 married couples to spend the next week demonstrating that they actually loved their partners. The women returned with tales of how they'd hugged, kissed and vocalised their feelings for their husbands. They were alsoextremely upset that their husbands didn't seem to have followed their brief a bit. One husband spoke up for the rest of his tribe when he said indignantly, "Of course, I showed her I loved her. I washed her car."See, they are from Mars.Since one car per family is a miracle of scraped savings in India, I suppose, we should know we are loved and cherished each time our men wash the toilet seat. Not that they ever do. Not their fault. They have been handed the Sacred Commandments of the Indian male pretty early in life.1. Thou shalt not lift a finger in the house.2. Thou shalt never demonstrate love with hugs and kisses.3. Thou shalt earn and she shall clean.4. Thou shalt love thy mother above all.5. Thou shalt come home tired and have cups of hot tea put into thy hands.6. Thou shalt make the decisions. She can make lunch.7. Thou shalt be the font of all authority. Permission to go to the movies shall be taken from thou.8. Thou shalt be married for 35 years without thou botheringto fetch an anniversary present.9. Thou shalt never say `Thank You' `Let me do that' or `Why don't you take a break and let me handle the house today?'.10. Thou shalt frown justly and mightily upon `women's lib' as a bad word.Sounds familiar?If you must be involved with an Indian male, be prepared. You'll ask for kisses and he'll ask for his sweat band.Men!Venita Coelho is a television script writer.
