Straight Face

Indeed, although the donkeyji did not scramble out of white Ambassadors with red lights or swear to cherish and uphold the Constitution in Sanskrit, Hindi, Bengali, or whatever, they seemed to conduct themselves with a rare dignity that our MPjis would be wise to emulate. For instance, although these much-misunderstood beasts of burden are known to have strong hind legs, they desisted from kicking each other even when gravely provoked, which is more than can be said of our MPjis, going by their past record.

There are those who say that MPs arelike vehicular pollution 8212; only it does not cost us Rs 850 crore to vote vehicular pollution in. Others maintain that this is a tribe that must, as a general rule, be presumed innocent until elected. I find such wise cracks both cruel and in extreme bad taste.

I want to state for the record that I regard our MPjis as honourable people deserving of our highest respect. These, our elected representatives, are the very spokes on that wheel call democracy, the very pillars upon which rests that edifice called the Republic.

Many of us tend to forget this truth and perceive them only as a clearing house for gas connections and school admissions. We forget the selfless stamina they display in the pursuit of happiness 8212; their happiness, of course, but that8217;s a matter of detail.

We neglect to remember their endearing habit of running to the well of the House ever so often so that their voters can see them on TV and believe they8217;ve got their vote8217;s worth in terms of sheer kinetics. We overlook their formidableskills at law-making 8212; and law breaking. In any case, if we didn8217;t have them around, who would we have to blame for the mess the country is in?

But having said this, let me also add that I expect my MPji to behave with the commitment and circumspection inherent in his/her high office.

MPjis must, for starters, never forget the faces of the people who voted them in, even if it is not their good fortune to renew acquaintance with these poor unfortunates again. Every MPji, I have always maintained, must in the interests of keeping in touch with their voters make it a habit to return to his/her constituency 8212; once in five years at least. Simple courtesy demands this.

Furthermore, they must always remember the various promises they make to the people so that the next time round they can come up with a completely new set of pledges. This way they can with some honour dodge the charge of not having lived up to their earlier vows. Basic honesty requires that this be done.

They must, in fact, always keep inmind the pot-holed roads of their fiefdom, its tap water ripe with gastroenteritis, its clogged drains bubbling like a witch8217;s cauldron. This way they will always remember to requisition a helicopter and sufficient mineral water bottles if they are ever required by political circumstance to visit that God-forsaken region again.

I would also expect my MPjis to speak in Parliament with such eloquence and authority that even if they are wrong, they are never in doubt. And if political circumstance requires them to throw paperweights at the opposition, they do so with lofty aim and purpose.

What8217;s more, I expect veterans like Mamata Banerjee, with her well publicised skills at kurta-busting, to lead the action and render the 13th Lok Sabha at least half as exciting as the earlier one was.

If, in the process, our MPjis run rings around the nation, so be it. Why else would old Lutyens have built Parliament House round as a pie anyway?