Understanding politicsIf any of you happens to be confused about last week's political developments, let me try and clarify the present political for you. It's really quite simple once you have acquainted yourself with the basic behaviour patterns of the common Indian politician.The first characteristic of this tribe is that each one of them, secretly or otherwise, wishes to be the Prime Minister of this country. A.B. Vajpayee wants to be Prime Minister because it was his bari to be Prime Minister, and phir ek bari, Atal Behari as a slogan had a nice ring to it. Besides, if he doesn't become Prime Minister, L.K.Advani will and he wouldn't like it one bit. Sonia Gandhi wants to be Prime Minister because she believes that prime ministership is a divine right bestowed upon the Nehru-Gandhi family. Besides, if she doesn't become Prime Minister, Sharad Pawar will and she wouldn't like that one bit. George Fernandes would like to be Prime Minister because he believes that now that he has proved thathe can sink a chief of naval staff and a national government single-handed, it is only right that he should be given a chance to sink the country single-handed. Besides, if he doesn't become Prime Minister, Vishnu Bhagwat may become Prime Minister and get a pension, and he wouldn't like that one bit. Chandra Shekhar would like to be Prime Minister, because as the head of a one-man party he has the natural advantage of not having to face dissidence within the party. Besides, if he doesn't become Prime Minister, Vajpayee or Sonia Gandhi, or Fernandes may become the Prime Minister, and he wouldn't like that one bit.The second characteristic of Indian politicians is that they are programmed to scream and point fingers at each other at regular intervals. That's why BJP and Telugu Desam MPs jump up and down, in Parliament and out of it, screaming about the horse-trading that the Congress is indulging in. That is why the Congress retorts that it is the BJP's old habit of transferring its own sins on to itsopponents. That is also why Mayawati accuses everyone else of wanting to buy horses from her party. And she's probably right.The third characteristic of the Indian politician is his/her ability to pass the buck. So Amar Singh blames J.Jayalalitha for bringing the country to the brink, and Jayalalitha blames M. Karunanidhi for bringing the country to the brink, and M. Karunanidhi blames J. Jayalalitha for bringing the country to the brink and J. Jayalalitha blames George Fernandes for bringing the country to the brink, and George Fernandes blames Laloo Prasad Yadav for bringing the country to the brink, and Laloo Prasad Yadav blames Atal Behari Vajpayee for bringing the country to the brink, and Atal Behari Vajpayee blames Sonia Gandhi for bringing the country to the brink and Sonia Gandhi blames George Fernandes for bringing the country to the brink, and George Fernandes blames Vishnu Bhagwat for bringing the country to the brink and gives a three-hour interview to Karan Thapar over Doordarshan to clinchthe matter once and for all.The fourth characteristic of Indian politicians is their general reluctance to give up power. The moment the BJP-led coalition lost the confidence of the House, ``party managers'' were instantly despatched to shop for large quantities of velcro, or so rumour has it. Simultaneously, ``party spokesmen'' were authorised to repeat the statement, `The only viable government is one led by Shri Vajapayee', once every fifteen minutes to mediapersons. Meanwhile, ``constitution experts'' within the coalition were despatched to unearth constitutional precedents dating back to 2005 BC in order to justify Vajpayee reinstallation as the prime minister of the country. The ``cooks'' within the coalition were then commanded to dish up large quantities of delicious fare so that all 270 members of the coalition could eat together like there was no tomorrow a very sound move because it's a well-established truism that the way to an MP's heart is through his stomach. I believe we, as a nation,must salute this touching concern that a defeated coalition demonstrates, sing praises to this selfless desire to serve the motherland against all odds.If all this leaves you more confused than ever about the state of the nation, it only means that you have finally begun to comprehend the forces that shape our politics today.
