Straight Face

Sometimes We say to ourselves, basta! enough of this concerto, give Us back the old days. Then We think of Our marito, Our beloved Rajiv, and his importante famiglia Our suocera 8212; ma-in-law Indira 8212; has been named the molto importante woman of the millennium, mamma. Just think of it, the molto importante! More important than Caterina de Medici or Sophia Loren!.

You must have read it in the papers. About a month ago in late Ottobre, We made Our first speech in Parliamento. Everyone said it had just the right blend of passion and anger. We must confess, though, that tua figlia was very nervoso to start with it is enough to give you un attacco cardinco, a heart attack! But then We thought of Our beloved marito and Our beloved suocera, and told ourselves if they can do it, so can We. Some idiota from the Opposition benches told Us to read Our speech in Italiano. We just froze him with a look and he shut up. Everyone clapped after We had finished 8212; except for a couple of Our party colleagues whose names George has noted in his little book for further investigation. Non mi va giu, We cannot stand dissidence not after what that old buffo, Pawar, did to Rajiv8217;s party.

But, mamma, We must confess. It is molto difficile to make everyone fall in line. Decided to set up introspecto committees to make everyone feel thoroughly ashamed of the poor Congress showing in these elections. Clever idea, no? This way, nobody can say We are to blame. In any case, We won both the seats We contested, despite that woman, Sushma Swaraj, wearing all those silk saris and flowers in her hair and claiming to be more Indian than Us. She8217;s nowhere now, mamma, her party has forgotten her for her pains. What a commedia!

But, as We were saying, it is molto difficile to make everyone fall in line. Take that old Gamango. You would think, mamma, a man with a name like that would go when he is told to. But no. Instead the old buffo takes an aero to Delhi and camps outside Our door, while his wife kept calling Us on the telefono We should never have given her a Lok Sabha ticket 8212; two are always more difficult to handle than one.

Then there is that Bofors affari. It has gone on for dieci anni now, ten whole years. Inon c8217;e che dire, there is not a shred of doubt that those goons, Rajiv8217;s political enemies, are making use of it to destroy his reputation. But they don8217;t know what stuff We are made of. It will be a long battaglia, We suppose, but We will fight like a tigresso to defend Our marito8217;s belle memory.

But you know, mamma, in politics there is always a little give and take. Capisce? Do you understand? One has to take an insurance cover for political survival once in a while. So We decided to cooperate on the Insurance Bill. Those buffos could pass it only because of Us and We hope everyone remembers that We did this for the good of the nation next time they vote. Must find out if those new insurance companies waiting to come into the country have special family policies 8212; that is, policies for Special Families. Like Ours. Must check it out.

Ah, and mamma, did We tell you? They did this interview with Us in Hindi on TV. Tua figlia spoke beautifully, without a prompter, without a written text, without a speechwriter, without the bambini! Then they asked Us what Our favourite dish was. Guess what We said, mamma? Now you know that it is mamma8217;s spaghetti alla carbonara that We relish more than anything else in the world verismo, mamma, that egg sauce you make is just divine. But We couldn8217;t go on national TV and say this, could We? So We kept a diritto faccia, a straight face, and told them that We loved arhar dal best of all! See what a good politician tua figlia has become!

And, before We forget, here8217;s wishing you a Merry Christmas! Ciao, Sonia.