Starring Pranab Mukherjee

Jaya Bachchan was hot too. With indignation. She flounced, she bounced up and down basket ball style...

Pranab Mukherjee was hot. You could almost feel the perspiration on his brow. Pranab Mukherjee was happening. Wow. In a sea of men (and a few sarees), he was the one you would have invited out to dinner. When he spoke you listened; when he paused, you paused; when he perched his spectacles on the tip of his nose, you thought of him with the affection for an absent-minded professor. Most of all, you wanted him to go on and on because he was, well, hot and happening.

It’s not often that this portly Bengali babu with two rasgulla cheeks arouses the need to switch on the fan. However, during his reply to the Lok Sabha debate on the Indo-US nuclear deal, he suddenly became the only man you had eyes and ears for — as a parliamentarian, of course. It’s been a long time since we have witnessed a rollicking romp in Parliament and thank the Lok Sabha Channel for giving your mind a roll in the sack. Begging everyone’s pardon, but it was fun — serious, but frolicking as only a mind game can be. Many politicians spoke, L.K.Advani harangued, the prime minister put in a brief cameo but the star of the show was Pranab da. He spoke extempore, without hesitation or repetition, with command over his subject in a stout defence of the UPA government’s nuclear position. No one came even close. Now that’s hot.

Jaya Bachchan was hot too. With indignation. She flounced, she bounced up and down basket ball style, and complained shrilly about taxing questions on the A and A wedding expenditure. No, she wasn’t a sight for any sort of eyes. Switch to another channel.

Story continues below this ad

There was the lady of the hills, appealing, attractive and matching Pranab in years (almost). Suddenly, the most alluring people on TV are over 65. Anita Desai was the guest on NDTV 24×7 following her Sahitya Akademi fellowship. She is soft-spoken, eloquent and charming — even when the questions were more about her daughter Kiran Desai, she managed to play the grande dame, the proud mother, the acerbic old lady of letters who’s allowed her foibles. This was intelligent television. Yeh Dil Maange More.

Not altogether sure if the same can be said for Zee’s cricket carnival. The star at the debut match of its Indian Cricket League was not cricket, but Kareena Kapoor who danced and the fireworks which fired. Why must every event be turned into a Bollywood production? Of course, there was Tony Greig using his hyena high pitch to extraordinary effect every time the ball flew off the bat — which was every ball. Ratings tell us the average viewer (whoever that is) didn’t watch ICL for more than eight minutes. With names like the Chandigarh Lions, the Delhi Jets, the Kolkata Tigers, Mumbai Champs, and Hyderabad Heroes, what did you expect? Sound more like American basketball or football, not cricket teams. Also, without national or club loyalties it’s difficult to feel hot about Brian.

Miss World (Star World). Can you believe it, the Chinese beat us in this too? Hey Miss World and Miss Universe were shows we were good at: we have Sushmita, Aishwarya, Priyanka to prove it but this time, Miss China snatched it away from us, not that Miss India was anywhere in the picture. Literally. Curious how Miss China can become Miss World in China. Maybe we should host it next year?

Why can’t men leave Rakhi Sawant alone? Karan Johar had her for Koffee and now Rajat Sharma had her for Aap Ki Adalat. She was her usual brash, rash self but he had this offensive habit of referring to her as “item girl” as though she was something he had picked up off the shop counter, alongwith other purchased items. And could Rajat please change his hairstyle before we begin to believe he’s sporting a toupee?

shailaja.bajpai@gmail.com