Pyaar in the time of texting

India, along with China, is one of the largest users of SMSs in the world, resulting in a 8220;paradigm shift8221; in our relationships, says tech guru Rajeev Makhni. The P2P SMS person to person messaging market in India is currently pegged at Rs 1,140 crore. Where repression is the norm, SMS is seen to be the liberator. Texting, by nature considered a subliminal zone where normal social rules are suspended, leads to a lot less inhibition than in 8216;real8217; life. Says Sandeep Shetty, founder of Bombay Speed D8, the speed dating service, 8220;Indians are one of the busiest SMSers in the world. You just step out on the street and people are forever texting, and I8217;m sure that a lot of those messages are directed at existing or potential love interests. Texting has helped promote familiarity between the sexes in our country.8221;

It8217;s not just dating, but even marriages that are being arranged through instant messages. Shaadi.com8217;s popular service ShaadiMessenger allows members to view each other8217;s profiles and then chat with each other, along with an SMS alert service on matching profiles. Texting has become the ideal tool for testing the waters, especially in the initial stages, when people are deciding whether or not to take a relationship forward. According to Vibhas Mehta, business head of Shaadi.com, 8220;It has become a great screening process. Of course it cannot be a substitute for actually meeting and interacting, but it has made things a lot more convenient. So many couples who are matched through us, first get to know each other though Instant Message.8221;

So in these texting times, what is the new techiquette of dating? In the Indian context, for instance, downloading and sending love songs is more popular than a straightforward declaration of love. Why say it in words when a song is so much more effective? We also love to avidly send forwards to our love interests, to break the ice. And of course, we are deft at sending our avowals of love in bilingual language. And while according to Grish, not replying beyond three days to an email message is impolite, in the Indian context, replying in three days8217; time would be considered a definite cold shoulder.

So what are the new rules of the game? Read on.

Thou Shalt Not Kill With Enthusiasm: Duh, the first rule of techiquette is that over-use equals abuse. People assume that because it is less intrusive to SMS than phone, you can type out an SMS any time of the day or night. This is a definite techiquitte faux pas, according to experts. 8220;In India, there8217;s no concept of privacy. We tend to disregard others8217; schedules and there8217;s nothing more off-putting than that,8221; says VJ Nikhil Chinappa. Especially, in the dating game, where the first impression is the last impression, playing it cool in the beginning will take you further, rather than being over-ardent. He adds: 8220;To get such people off your back, send back a message that says, 8216;Stop. Enough already.8217;8221;

What it says about you: Impatient, over-eager and edgy, will give no space to the other person.

Thou Shalt Not Sing To The World: Indians love to make a song and dance of everything. We love sending a popular Bollywood number to the object of our affection. The ringtone downloading phenomenon in India is bigger than anywhere else in the world. If 40 per cent of the VAS value added services market comprises personal texting or P2P, then 35 per cent of it is ringtone downloads. We like to change our caller tune, depending on our mood, or the latest interaction with your loved one, as a sort of private joke. This is all wonderful, except that the private joke is not exactly private, of course. 8220;People dedicate their ringtone as a personal message to someone special, but why should we be subjected to that torture?8221; questions model Aryan Vaid. So you call your dentist to fix and appointment and the ringtone you hear? Crazy kiya re8230; 8220;If somebody does this excessively and it irritates you, you can just tell the person in a sarcastic voice, 8216;That8217;s an interesting ringtone you8217;ve got8217; and they8217;ll get the message,8221; he adds.

What it says about you: Fun, young, but trying too hard. An easy-going, informal person, but may have the tendency to take informality too far.

Thou Shalt Not Use Random Abbreviations: D8 at 8? Gr8! There8217;s nothing more annoying than receiving a romantic message from someone special and calling your best friend to help decode it. While some abbreviations are understood and accepted, excessive use of it can make you look like a moron.

8220;If somebody sends me a message with too many abbreviations, I tend to think the worst of that person, like they don8217;t know their spelling,8221; says model Nina Manuel. Advises Rajeev Makhni, 8220;I have done this once, I could not decipher what someone was saying, so I sent back a message in gibberish to embarrass him.8221; As a casual medium, SMS does not requite one to be proper, but common courtesy rules still apply. 8220;If I8217;m messaging my boyfriend, I will never message 8216;I lv u8217;. It8217;s just not done. How much time does it take to write out 8216;I love you8217;, for someone who8217;s that special to you?8221; adds Nina.

What it says about you: Casual but not careful.

Thou Can Be Bilingual, Within Limits: Now this is something extremely tricky and also something that only Indians are adept at. Typing out bilingual messages in the Roman alphabet 8220;requires a lot of skill,8221; says Subho Ray. 8220;Date par mile kya?8221; is intimate, informal and the best way of showing that you want to take the relationship to the next level and therefore there is no need to stick to the Queen8217;s English. A clever message deserves one in return, so make sure you reply back in Hinglish too. But again, a word of caution: while some words and phrases can become our personal stamp, if you overdo it, it gets taxing. Don8217;t forget: Reading Hindi in the Roman script can be hard work for some.

What it says about you: Clever, adept at languages, bold and has an innovative approach to romance.

Thou Shalt Forward, But Yet Not Be Too Forward: Though email forwards are popular the world over, mobile phone forwards are a rage here. Yes, you come across something interesting and you want to share it with your loved one, but it may be putting off to the other person. It shows that you8217;re trying hard to prove you8217;re cool. 8220;Receiving funny messages or a spiritual thought for the day is not my idea of romance,8221; says anchor Pooja Bedi. 8220;If someone sends me all these jokes, I would politely ask that person to remove me from the little joke club, as I8217;m not interested.8221;

What it says about you: Shy and therefore avoiding direct approach.

Thou Can Liberally Use Emoticons: Just like a picture that can say more than a thousand words, emoticons are extremely effective. As an emotional race prone to drama and melodrama, we love to litter our messages with smileys and sad faces and it works. 8220;I love getting smileys and I8217;m okay even if there are many in one message. They truly brighten up my day and I always send back smileys in return,8221; says singer and VJ Sohpie.

What it says about you: Cute and affable.

Thou Shalt Go Easy With Exclamation Marks!!!! We tend to be as dramatic in our inter-personal communication as we are in our taste in daily soaps, as there are exclamation marks aplenty in our messages. Also remember that punctuation is a big indicator of your mental state and also your attitude to life if somebody really wants to read into it and if you are a potential love interest, that is likely to be t he case. For example, using too many ellipsis may show you up to be indecisive, using full stops all the time may show you to be a control freak, using none at all may be a sign of rambling. Grish says that being a smartey may also go down the wrong way. 8220;Quirky punctuation is a sign of instability,8221; she says. Therefore, moderation is best. 8220;It8217;s okay to use it to stress a point, but there are people who tend to overuse it,8221; says musician Amaan Ali Bangash. 8220;Send back an exclamation mark with a question mark and the person will go easy with the exclamation marks then,8221; he adds.

What it says about you: Tend to get over-excited.

Thou Shalt Be Short and Sweet: The long and short of it: SMS stands for Short Message Service. Period. It cannot be used for long-winded missives of love, but we often tend to forget that. SMS, by its very character is meant for brief and frequent conversations. But we don8217;t know when to put a full stop, 8220;it8217;s a typically Indian trait, to linger over a message,8221; says director Ken Ghosh. 8220;Just remind the person what the full form of SMS is and they won8217;t repeat it.8221;

What it says about you: Someone who will not let others get a word in edgeways.

THOU SHALT NOT USE CAPS IN UR MSGS: 8220;If I get a message in all caps, I feel I8217;m being shouted at,8221; says actor Gul Panag. If you do not want to come across as an aggressive person issuing out death threats, then learn the use of upper and lower case. 8220;Just tell the person that they do have a lower case function in their phone and they will get the hint,8221; she adds.

What it says about you: Given to melodrama at best, hysterical and dangerous at worst.

Thou Art Better Off Safe Than Sorry: This a favourite method with commitment phobes, especially in a country where making the move is difficult, even on SMS. They tend to send out a message with romantic undertones, like say an invitation to coffee/lunch, and then retract the next minute by saying, 8220;Oops sorry, it was meant for someone else8221;. The way to deal with this is to play along, suggests Pooja Bedi. 8220;Finally, the person will gather courage and come back with a direct message.8221;

What it says about you: Cowardly and therefore not worth it.

Thou Shalt Not Be Desperate For An Instant Reply: According to Grish, while not replying beyond three days to an email message is impolite, the limit for responding to an SMS is only a few hours or it is considered a definite brush-off. In the Indian context, replying in three days8217; time would be considered a definite cold shoulder, while an SMS demands an immediate response. 8220;If I haven8217;t replied in one day8217;s time, then it mostly means, that I don8217;t intend to. So there is no need to send me a reminder,8221; says model Jesse Randhawa.

What it says about you: Impatient, and a control freak.

Text Talk

NIKHIL CHINAPPA
VJ

Chances of misunderstanding are high, so don8217;t fight on sms. And it8217;s sick to break up on sms

ARYAN VAID
ACTOR

Some people only communicate over sms. Be careful, this may indicate an inability to communicate in a real way

NINA MANUEL
MODEL

Using abbreviations depends on whom one is messaging. One should be sure the other person understands sms lingo

RINA DHAKA
DESIGNER

I use so many abbreviations that most people cannot understand what I8217;m saying and I end up phoning them back

POOJA BEDI
ACTOR

At least with sms guys get a chance to have their say, otherwise girls won8217;t let them talk! As for me, misspelling annoys me

SOPHIE
VJ

I8217;m not into sms lingo and it takes me a long time to decode it. I get put off when I receive such messages

AMAAN ALI
MUSICIAN

I would rather sms than talk on the phone. I don8217;t know if it8217;s cool to use smileys but I use them all the time

KEN GHOSH
DIRECTOR

I am old-school and prefer to be formal on sms. I use my phone to download games and themes when I8217;m bored

GUL PANAG
ACTOR

I am forever texting and even message my mother. I hate people who use all caps, they seem so threatening

JESSE RANDHAWA
MODEL

I pile up all my messages and answer them all at one go. I also don8217;t like long messages, it8217;s very painful

PALASH SEN
SINGER

My friends and family call me the king of sms. I am forever using three dots, or the ellipsis, in the messages I send out

RAJEEV MAKHNI
TECH GURU

Are long messages impolite? Well, I stand guilty. My messages read like emails!

Mona Singh
Actor

I8217;m typing messages through the day. All my work is over sms. I tend to write long, long messages

Zulfi Sayed
Actor

I receive forwards from a lot of my friends and I also love forwarding jokes. I download a lot of music too

Vir das
Comedian

As I only get sms that say, 8216;You owe me money8217;, I end up sending a lot of smileys to my bank and car loan people

Pritam
Music Composer

I pride myself on typing fast on sms. The only person who can type faster than me is Sonu Nigam