Poor politics

If only politicians played cricket, they'd be so much more entertaining to watch. Willingly suspend your disbelief, and imagine, if you woul...

If only politicians played cricket, they8217;d be so much more entertaining to watch. Willingly suspend your disbelief, and imagine, if you would for a moment, Sonia Gandhi at the batting crease Sitaram Kesri8217;s her partner taking guard against Atalji with L.K.Advani at silly point, I.K.Gujral in the slips and George Fernandes behind the stumps. Mamata Bannerjee8217;s patrolling the deep at third man8230;Atalji bowls, Sonia stoutly defends but can8217;t read the wrong 8216;un which swerves past her bat, eludes Fernandes gloves and Gujral8217;s Doctrine, sorry hands, on its journey to the fence. Mamata, Gujral, Advani and Fernandes pursue the ball, Mamata picks up and throws in, leaving the three men on a collision course with the ad hoardings and each other8230;it8217;s a direct hit and Kesri is run out tripping over his dhoti as he flings himself and his bat towards the safety of the batting crease. Atalji is dejected because it8217;s Kesri who8217;s returning to the pavilion and not the first Italian woman cricketer in history!

Thisfantastic scenario may be rather pathetic after the Indian cricket team8217;s Dhaka Dusk Delight DD1, but it is a whole sight more interesting than watching our politicians speaking on TV. Boring8217; is too polite a word, dull8217; too short to describe their lengthy appearances. All of them, particularly the big guns, need to take classes in the art of speaking less and saying more.

Did someone say that television isn8217;t meant to educate you about the issues before the nation? Maybe. So far, if you have learnt anything about the views of political parties on anything, you must be psychic; or else, you haven8217;t been watching TV. But why can8217;t we break the rules, tonight and throughout this campaign? Instead of talking about Bofors, Sonia, Babri Masjid, party alliances, misalliances, defections8230;why can8217;t politicians be made to talk about bomb blasts, primary health, literacy?

If they and those who question them, had heard Amartya Sen Zee Business Show on these subjects, they8217;d have realised the importance of reading, writing and health care; India, he said, is the only country that is approaching the next century without any significant efforts in social development. Dangerous isn8217;t the word for it.

But nobody wants to discuss dangerous liaisons; instead, the Prime Minister spends his air time generously praising his own foreign policy and being commended for his unique contribution by the very panel of experts which is supposedly questioning him DD1, Wednesday! Or we have Rajesh Pilot and George Fernandes starring in Tu Tu Main Main Election 8217;98, The Choice, DD1 Wednesday: Pilot: you didn8217;t do anything about Bofors in 1989; Fernandes: yes we did; no you didn8217;t, yes we did8230;.

Chandan Mitra at least tried to humiliate Sitaram Kesri into impropriety STAR Watch Centrestage, STAR Plus. One magazine called you the villain8217; of the piece and in a poll only 2 per cent or some such voted for you as their choice for Prime Minister, he said. I am just a common man, replied Kesri and launched into a son-of-the soil speech. Oh, he was entertaining alright, laughing about Bofors, dismissing Mamata as a 8220;nobody8221;; but don8217;t you expect a little more substance from the President of the Congress Party?

Perhaps we should unleash the American press and TV on Indian politicians. No sooner was Intern-gate on the Internet, than NBC, CNN were all over the story and the White House. Poor President Clinton: journalists, legal experts and the public came together to sniff at his dirty linen as if it were a new perfume. Did he have sexual encounters of the improper kind? Anyway, what8217;s proper or improper? Did he touch her, did she touch him? Did he buy her gifts8230;so what if he did, he likes giving guys ties, yes but a dress? He should get a new attorney, he should keep his mouth shut, he should tell the truth8230;and meanwhile, did Starr Tripp Lewinsky to Intern Bill? It8217;s Sex, lies and videotape with the most powerful man in the world and the American television networks are loving it. Their ratings are likely to go up with every fumble, er, statement Clinton makes.

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One moment they8217;ve convicted the President and waved goodbye to his Presidency, the next they8217;ve crucified the independent prosecutor and the third they8217;re destroying Monica8217;s reputation or rubishing Tripp8217;s. The fact that the facts haven8217;t actually been revealed, doesn8217;t bother them a whit. Unlike in Princess Di8217;s case, they8217;re here to bury public figures not praise them.