Jaya, Jaya, hai!

In this country of 9,50,0000 people, there at least 9,49,9999 people (every citizen apart from Jayalalitha herself, of course) who are anxio...

In this country of 9,50,0000 people, there at least 9,49,9999 people (every citizen apart from Jayalalitha herself, of course) who are anxious to learn why the lady behaves as she does. Why does this one woman, who has singlehandedly brought about the epidemic of gastric ulcers, insomnia and hypertension currently raging in the Capital, continue to defy the rules of logic and conduct?

Well, after a deep study of her personality, after painstakingly garnering sundry details like her behaviour patterns, her dress code, her public and private utterances, info on her friends and enemies, I have come to the following conclusion. Everybody believes there is only one Jayalalitha. This is where they blunder. There are, in fact, two of them. While we may wonder at her sharp mood swings and click our tongues over the uncertainty she has brought into our lives, Jayalalitha and Jayalalitha, like a firm of prosperous solicitors, go from strength to strength, sowing confusion everywhere and reaping rich electoralharvests.

It is, come to think of it, a unique way to beat loneliness and neglect. If by some chance one Jayalalitha finds herself in a quandary or feels cruelly persecuted, she can always depend on the other Jayalalitha to bail her out, and even hold her hand in a consoling sort of way. Besides, this arrangement has useful tangential benefits as well, like increasing the mass base of the AIADMK, for instance, and providing the party with two leaders for the price of one.

Story continues below this ad

Untangling one Jayalalitha from the other is a difficult business. But I have, in the interests of Indian democracy attempted to do just that. These are my preliminary findings….

While one Jayalalitha smiles benevolently at people, allows them to roll down the road to her home, and does a marvellous namaskaram on occasion as grown men fall at her feet, the other Jayalalitha puts on her spectacles and sternly reads out to a befuddled Prime Minister lists of demands, that could sometimes run into a 100 pages.

While oneJayalalitha’s dress sense goes to capes and diamond accessories, the other Jayalalitha neatly folds these additional sartorial embellishments and locks them away in almirahs while vowing never to touch jewellery until the Directorate of Vigilance against Corruption pleads for her forgiveness for having treated her so badly and stolen her gold.

While one Jayalalitha addresses crowds housed in one-mile long pandals and holds the masses transfixed with her oratory, the other Jayalalitha disappears from public view for weeks on end (during which desperate TV companies have to be content with displaying footage of the massive gates of her Poes Road mansion).

While one Jayalalitha, appearing in the pink of health, briefs mediapersons about Delhi’s perverse behaviour in hastily summoned press conferences, the other Jayalalitha seems to waste away in mysterious diseases with accompanying high fevers which, in turn, have the strange effect of sending the mercury in Delhi shooting skyward.

Whileone Jayalalitha rules out withdrawing support to the Vajpayee government, the other Jayalalitha rules out not withdrawing support to the Vajpayee government.

While one Jayalalitha agrees to meet Jaswant Singh, the Prime Minister’s emissary, to iron out differences, the other Jayalalitha seems to agree to meet Ranjan Bhattacharya, the Prime Minister’s son-in-law, to iron out differences.

While one Jayalalitha rushes obediently to Delhi to attend the coordination committee meeting, the other Jayalalitha refuses to be coordinated.

While one Jayalalitha indicates that her allies, including the unfortunate Vazhapadi K. Ramamurthy, has her total confidence, the other Jayalalitha promptly lets it be known that whatever Ramamurthy says to the press is his business and does not reflect the views of the management.

While one Jayalalitha writes letters which either support the BJP-led government or withdraw support to the BJP-led government, the other Jayalalitha ensures that these lettersare mysteriously not delivered.

While one Jayalalitha consults Subramanian Swamy, the other Jayalalitha is advised by Subramanian Swamy.

Now Jayalalitha’s and Jayalalitha’s greatest success is that they have been able to pass off as one entity. Both of them are interesting people, but without Jayalalitha the second, Jayalalitha the first would be terribly dull. Don’t ask me which Jayalalitha is the real one. All I know is that without them, we would have been deprived of our longest playing soap opera which possibly enjoys the highest TRP ratings in the country.

Canada, UK and Australia formally recognise a Palestinian state

World10 hr ago

The UK, Canada, and Australia have recognized Palestine as a state, going against the US and Israel's opposition. British PM Starmer aims to revive peace without Hamas and hostage release. Canada and Australia also recognize Palestine, condemning terrorism. Over 145 UN members recognize Palestine, with France likely to join soon.

View all shorts

Live Blog