Googly reactions

When Bal Thackeray thundered on Dassara day that he would not allow the one-day cricket match against Pakistan to be played in Mumbai, pe...

When Bal Thackeray thundered on Dassara day that he would not allow the one-day cricket match against Pakistan to be played in Mumbai, people showed mixed reactions. Because of this, one daily from Bombay employed MARG to conduct a survey, which revealed that 58 per cent of the people wanted the match, 38 per cent were against it and 4 per cent of the Bombayites surveyed preferred to remain neutral. Of course, not like the neutral’ umpires of Sri Lanka who declared 3 L.B.W.s in just 3 balls at Sharjah, to create a new hat-trick of L.B.W.s – a unique umpiring feat. However, few Puneites are aware that here too there is a market research organisation called “SWARG” along the lines of MARG’.

For your information SWARG’ is the short form of Survey What Appears Real & Genuine’ and is noted for conducting accurate surveys. I myself work for SWARG’ although I have still not become Swargawasi as yet, but I got a heavenly opportunity, when our director instructed me to conduct a rapid survey on the Indo-Pak cricket matches. I was given only six hours to conduct the said survey, and was advised by the director not to contact more than five persons and expedite the report by evening. I am very happy to disclose the results of the SWARG’ survey, which will surely shock readers not only from across India, but from Pakistan as well.

The first person I interviewed was a collegian, who incidentally happened to be a cricket player herself and a member of the girls cricket team of her college. “Do you support Thackeray’s call for the boycott of the cricket matches with Pakistan?” I asked her? By all means yes! She replied emphatically, and that surprised me no end. Was she a member of Shiv Sena, I asked her politely, “oh no,” she immediately frowned, “our objection is only because Pakistan is not inviting the Indian women’s cricket team to tour their country, and giving us a chance to win against their women cricketers to avenge our men’s continuous defeats for last six years.”

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I applauded her novel protest and thanked her before going to meet the next person on the SWARG’ list. He was a peon in a Government office, but not much enlightened about cricket. When pressed for his views, he replied, “We should not play with Pakistan for another five years, till their victorious captain Ibrahim Khan retires from cricket.” I shrewdly guessed that he had confused Imran Khan with Ibrahim Khan, and thanked him for his honest views on Indo-Pak cricket matches. I too prayed that Imran Khan retires and once again we start winning.

The third person I interviewed was a middle class housewife who was kind enough to offer me a cup of tea when I asked her whether she too supported Bal Thackeray’s call. She promptly replied, “Yes, very much.” She denied that she was a fan of Bal Thackeray or Shiv Sena as she observed that I was very much jolted. She indeed gave me a very amusing explanation. Her son had spent a lot of money on crackers, which he and his friends wanted to explode during Indo-Pak matches, whenever his idol Sachin Tendulkar would hit a boundary or a sixer. “I am very very thankful to Thackeray for stopping the Pakistan tour so that our son would use the same crackers for Diwali festival thereby saving us lot of expenditure.”

The fourth gentleman was a factory manager in the industrial area of Pimpri-Chinchwad who welcomed me with a broad smile. When I repeated my question, he pondered a while and told me in confidence that he was grateful to Thackeray for stopping the cricket matches. “Please understand our problem,” he continued further, “we have already lost on production in the last 10 days because of Indo-pak matches at Sharjah. Had the Pakistan team been playing now in India, we would have lost the production to a great extent and lost our business especially on the eve of Diwali. Please don’t tell this to anybody in our factory,” he pleaded with me, I asked him not to worry and left the place in a hurry.

And now, I came to the conclusion that there was really no point in contacting the fifth person for the SWARG’ survey and filed the report to my director. I am afraid that director of the SWARG’ may not publish my findings, as I have just now received a letter that SWARG’ is no more interested in my services, leaving me in a confusion which marg I should follow now. I feel it pays to remain down to earth!