GLOBAL WARMING ALERT: World Cup Finals Today

8226; Like, the more I watch football, the more I am convinced that human beings are genetically programmed to function as tribes, each with its distinct body markings, rituals, taboos, and mating calls.

8226; Like, what is the point of Fifa8217;s Organising Committee outlawing the consumption of illegal drugs in its stadia if it cannot do anything about the most potent drug of them all 8212; football?

8226; Like, there is more emotion packed into this one event than probably anything Ektaa Kapoor can conjure up in a billion years and that goes for chest beating, finger pointing, screaming, sobbing and full-lung-capacity-wailing.

8226; Like, say what you want about the men with golden feet who take their salaries home in dumpster trucks, but without the billion-odd fans from across the world who watch their antics, this would have been a no-show.

8226; Like, given this reality, should Fifa not present a 8216;Golden Posterior8217; award to the viewer who spent the most hours of his/her life couchpotato-ing his or her way through the World Cup?

8226; Like, shouldn8217;t Fifa also institute a Golden Globe award for the Best Actor of the Tournament, going by the increasing number of feigned injuries on the field?

8226; Like, was the Fifa smart in adopting the phrase, 8216;A Time to Make Friends8217;, as its official motto for this tournament, when scar tissue and shattered shin bones testify to the very opposite?

8226; Like 8212; and I am prepared to stand corrected 8212; I don8217;t think pulverising the pelvises of one8217;s opponents conforms to anyone8217;s idea of friendship.

8226; Like, the situation between England and Portugal, after the former8217;s inelegant exit from the World Cup, is almost similar to that which prevailed between the Honduras and El Salvador back in the late 60s, which ended 8212; let us not forget 8212; in aerial bombardments and the deaths of 6,000 people.

8226; Like, shouldn8217;t the UN Security Council be informed about this imminent threat to world peace?

8226; Like, isn8217;t it kind of ironic that even as Italy celebrates its entry into the finals, prosecutors in Rome are busy inquiring into a particularly nasty match-fixing scandal involving four of its top clubs?

8226; Like, isn8217;t it kind of ironic that even as France celebrates its entry into the finals, the match is going to be the swansong of French football as we know it, with three of its greats kicking into the sunset?

8226; Like, isn8217;t it unfortunate in the extreme that this World Cup could equally have been termed the Euro Cup?

8226; Like, won8217;t it be great if African football gets a shoe-in, in time for the next World Cup in South Africa?

8226; Like, isn8217;t it time the world said that there is no football after Brazil. That the show should rightly wind up with the exit of the Selecao?

8226; Like, wasn8217;t Brazil8217;s semi-final exit a body-blow to West Bengal and its footballing culture, with its wall paintings of Ronaldo and its prayers to Ma Kali to further the magic of Brazilian legs?

8226; Like, isn8217;t it ironic that while Zinedine Zidane gets to inaugurate a wax statue of himself at Madrid8217;s wax museum, Ronaldinho gets his seven-metre high, resin-and-iron statue burnt down by irate fans?

8226; Like, never mind that Ronaldinho proved a damp squib this time, but I still think it was terribly unfair of the residents of Chapeco to have incinerated his player. Arrey, they could have shipped it to Siliguri if they didn8217;t want it and it may even have figured in a Durga Puja pandal this year. An extreme case of Les Bleus, if you ask me.

8226; Like, the world may soon be unable to host these extravaganzas without seriously damaging its carrying capacity. According to dieticians, the average football fan imbibes 385 gm of fat on a typical football night. Multiply that by one billion into 16 nights, and you get an idea of the critical mass attached to the World Cup football.

8226; Like, I don8217;t know about you, but my favourite headline in the series so far was this beauty from an American newspaper after the US was thrown out of the contending field by Ghana, 2-1. It read: 8216;8216;Here today, Ghana tomorrow.8221; It is also, incidentally, a pithy comment on the state of US soccer in the land of the baseball, basketball and American football.

8226; Like, both France and Italy should now know before tonight8217;s crucial decider in Berlin what Bill Shankly meant when he said: 8220;Football8217;s not a matter of life and death. It8217;s more important than that.8221;