Confession of a dulhanzilla

Though the traditional Indian bride supposedly sits by and lets mummy and daddy take over the planning8212;-some customs even call for the bride-to-be not stepping out of the house a few weeks before the D-day 8212; this is increasingly far from the real scene. The hem of her lehenga has to be just that many inches long. She8217;s specific about the diameter of the bindi and the Banarasi sari crafted by a master weaver of the city, just like Aishwarya Rai. And the groom better stand by and complement the settings, or he8217;s had it.

Samir Parikh, consulting psychiatrist, Max Healthcare, says there8217;s a sociological reason for the increase in bridezillas in the Indian context. 8220;As we move from joint to nuclear families, women have taken up more responsibility both at home and at work, so they feel they cannot trust anyone in planning the biggest event of their life.8221; Reena Singh, author of The Wedding Planner, published by Penguin, says: 8220;There8217;s so much coordination in wedding-planning now, it8217;s no wonder bridezillas are on the loose.8221;

NAMITA SAXENA, 24 Entrepreneur
D day: March 5, 2007

A typical day for Namita Saxena begins with a panic attack. Today, for instance, she8217;s obsessing over whether she reminded her wedding planner to match the colour of the freesias for the decor with her outfit. Once a few frantic calls have been made to sort this out even before the coffee has arrived, she8217;s got to move through the appointments for the day. First up is a meeting with the caterer, followed by a meeting with the hotel manager8212;8220;have you included the yellow roses in the decor8221;8212; to ensure that the rooms for the guests are just as she8217;d want them to be. In the midst of this, there are calls to her designer and jeweller. 8220;I haven8217;t been able to find a set in semi-precious stones that goes with the powdery blue outfit I8217;ll wear for one of the functions.8221; Now her designer and jeweller are being driven up the wall in search for the stones. Finally, there is the call to the person who is the reason for the wedding: the fiance. She gives him an update on the day8217;s progress, while on other days, he becomes the shoulder to cry on if she8217;s got yet another anxiety attack over the invites.

Namita quit her job in December to prepare for her wedding in March. She says that no price is too heavy to pay for that 8220;perfect wedding8221; even if it means being called a bridezilla. Though she has involved wedding planner Mehar Sarid in the wedding, as a detail diva, she8217;s involved in every little thing. 8220;For the last few months, I8217;ve done nothing but eat, sleep, breathe the wedding. After all, it comes once in a lifetime.8221; She is taking her job so seriously, in fact, that of late, she8217;s resorted to daily massages for relaxation. 8220;As it gets closer to the date, I find myself constantly anxious. The massages help.8221;

Planning her wedding, she says, is more hard work than anything else she8217;s done. For the engagement, she got personalised cards designed by card designer Ravish Kapoor for each guest, with their names along with their families printed on the cards. For the chocolates that went with the invites, she sampled more than 50 flavours and of course, the packing had to be exquisite. The party had a Victorian theme and the decor was in green and pink to match with her outfit.

And that was just the engagement.

The wedding in March will be preceded by four days of celebration, including an Awadhi night, with hookahs, kebabs and gajras to create the atmosphere of a rich and decadent Lucknow courtroom and the mehendi and cocktails evening also having different themes and an array of cuisines. But it is the wedding dress that is giving her the jitters these days. She sat with her designer for many sessions before they could arrive at a consensus. 8220;I have worked closely with my designer on my dress and my fiance8217;s. The kadai on my lehenga and his sherwani is the same. It8217;s very important that he look s as good as me.8221; Her fiance Varun leaves the planning to her. 8220;He8217;s not bothered with the details, but appreciates the work I put in.8221;

Namita has roped in all her friends and relatives in the preparation. But do they accuse her of being a control freak? 8220;To an extent maybe. But it8217;s my day. I know what I want and I know each guest, so why leave it to the wedding planner?8221;

Is she worried about marriage and the commitment it entails? Not for now, at least. 8220;Right now, I8217;m way too involved with the event. It takes up all my time and concentration. All I want as reward for all this labour is that the wedding should be perfect and I should be appreciated for it.8221;

For this bridezilla, amongst all the anxieties she juggles with daily her biggest anxiety these days is the emptiness after the wedding. 8220;After such hectic planning, there8217;ll be so much emptiness once it8217;s over.8221;

Psychologist8217;s comments: Dr Ekta Soni, Senior Clinical Psychologist at Apollo Hospitals, says women like Namita typify a driving need for control that you see in most independent, working women. 8220;They are control freaks in most other spheres of life but in an occasion like a wedding, this becomes more pronounced. They derive their self-esteem from the approval of others and thus they want everything to be perfect at their wedding.8221; Namita8217;s fear of emptiness after the wedding is a mix of post-wedding blues and escapism. 8220;She8217;s trying to mask her fear of commitment and what lies ahead by concentrating on the wedding details and is thus apprehensive of post-wedding blues.8221;

Chandni Munjal, 25
Accessory Designer
D day: March 12, 2007

She has been getting nightmares over makeup. 8220;With over four days of functions, I need a different look for each day8221;, and well, there may not be enough makeup artists in Delhi who will meet her high standards. So, the day this interview is scheduled, Chandni is fixing up trial sessions with makeup artists in both Delhi and Mumbai. She will fly to Mumbai meet with makeup artists Bharat and Dorris Godambe.

This is typical of her schedule of the last few months. 8220;One8217;s always worried about something as life-altering as this. But with the preparations on in full swing, there8217;s no time to pause and think. With just about a month left, this bridezilla is trying to pack in as much as she can in a full day. 8220;I feel 24 hours is not enough.8221; What8217;s really interesting? She herself is amazed by the extremist the event has turned her into. She says she never thought she8217;d be a bridezilla. 8220;You see it in all your friends around you and never imagine that you would also end up obsessing about the wedding in the same way as your friends,8221; she laughs.

As an accessory designer, this style-fixated bride is anyway fussy about the look of things, and when it comes to her own wedding, makeup is just one of the hurdles. Then there8217;s the labour that went into selecting the outfits for the wedding and the functions. She was determined to have a soft pink lehenga with just the right amount of white crystals on it. She toured all over the country, meeting up with top designers, and finally settled on Tarun Tahiliani and Rohit Bal. This was followed by long sessions with the two, till they got the exact colour and look she wanted. 8220;I can8217;t leave it to anybody. I have to be involved in every detail.8221; She8217;s finally zeroed in on two outfits done by Tarun, one by Rohit a green ensemble with gold gota work and one by Abu Sandeep, after frequent visits to Mumbai and Kolkata to find the perfect outfits. 8220;I wanted each outfit to be different and stand out from anything one has seen before. They put up a brave face through all my meddling.

For her fiance Sumit, she pored through catalogues8212;looking for a blue that would complement her pink8212;and went through shows, finally ordering outfits from Arjun Khanna.8220;If I leave it to him, he might turn up in denims. Therefore I have to take control and sometimes impose my choice on him.8221;

She says that the wedding decor must reflect her taste. And that is? Fun, vibrant and classy. Even before she had met her fiance and actually had a wedding to plan for, she was determined that Tarun Tahiliani do the decor. But even when he said yes, she8217;s with him every step of the way. She flew down to Bangkok along with her mother8212;who is a cheerful momzilla and willing partner in crime8212;to source material for the decor, which Tahiliani will put together, along with the flowers orchids to be flown down from Europe and Thailand. The mehendi ceremony will have not just Madonna inspired tattoos, but also nail art and tarot card reading. The catering will have the famous restaurants of Taj Hotels in Delhi and Mumbai recreated in the gardens.

Psychologist8217;s comments: Dr Samir Parikh consultant psychiatrist with Max Healthcare, says that 8220;across culture and geography, wedding is the biggest milestone in a person8217;s life. With its larger than life element, it8217;s natural for brides to get over-involved.8221; He adds that 8220;nowadays, with the publicity surrounding weddings there8217;s peer pressure to be fashionably correct and with access to experts in the field of wedding planning, the hype surrounding the event has become bigger.8221; He says that this is also the case with Chandni Munjal. For instance, her resolve in deciding what her fiance will wear at the wedding, shows 8220;it8217;s not like she doesn8217;t trust him, it8217;s just that she cannot afford imperfections.8221;

You know you8217;re aa bridezilla if8230;

You agonise over the font of the wedding invites for an entire week

You sign a contract with your dress designer on an explicit dress-delivery deadline and still keep a backup option

You get a backup option for the wedding venue, in case it rains

You do not want to invite fat people to your wedding

Hand out a list of responsibilities to all your close friends along with the due dates

Demand a solitaire that sparkles more than your best friend8217;s sister8217;s wedding band

You worry that the camera will catch the colour of the toenail polish that you8217;re not happy with

You blow a fuse if the colour of the linen is ivory instead of butter cream

You think your wedding planner is your personal assistant on your beck and call

You want your wedding to outshine the Mittal wedding

In the months leading up to the wedding, your fiance8217;s role is restricted to staying out of your way