Brain Fry Day

HI guys! Happy New Year! Happy New Millennium we8217;ll just come to that!. I feel privileged, I feel happy. And it is not without reason because it is not every day that an idiot like me gets to write an idiotic column for idiotic readers pardon my French! in an idiotic newspaper phew! one more idiot or idiotic news by me and all the idiots of the world would unite . Specially on the last day of the century, sorry millennium. So, obviously it is my privilige to write and your bad luck to read. Sabse pehle, to yemillennium ka chakkar khatam kar dete hain. To begin with, this is not the ending of the second millennium or the beginning of the third millennium. Officially, we8217;ve gone into the year 00. When you count from one to 10, you don8217;t count quot;Zero, 1, 2quot;, you count quot;1, 2, 3 8230;quot;. In the same way, January 1, 2001, will be the official ending of the second millennium and the official beginning of the third millennium looks like my days as a janitor in the Nehru Planetarium are showing somecolour, thank you.

Anyway, let8217;s not talk about the millennium. Because as a very renowned pest control company says, quot;Let bygones be Baygon.quot; And why talk about the last 1,000 years or the last 100 years, when we can talk about the last year, 1999. Clearly, this year has been a year of hype 8212; whether it is television, cinema, politics or sports, hype has won over true talent. Everybody wants to cash in on some event or the other. Every entertainment organisation wants to make the public believe that this particular event is the biggest thing of their lives and that they cannot miss it. For eg World Cup, non-stop dance parties that go on for 20 8211; 20 days and more than 20 millennium concerts. Why you even have Raageshwari singing and dancing like Michael Jackson they even look similar on Y2K? My genuine piece of advice to all my fellow readers who don8217;t have the budget to go to any of these millennium parties to play in artifical snow, dance to the tunes to B-grade pop stars and eat food which has been cooked from 11.00 am isto stay at home with your families, don8217;t watch TV. Just relax and treat this night like any other normal night. Don8217;t be a victim to hype. But if you guys are not going to take my advice, then for heaven8217;s sake, if you have to go to a party by 9.00 pm, leave by 4.00 pm. Because everywhere there are going to be traffic jams. I remember spending my last New Year at 12 o8217;clock, in my car, with more than 10,000 horny motorists. Honestly they were horny 8212; they were all blaring their horns! I saw this couple smooching shamelessly. Not that I have anything against couples smooching at 12, but one was in a green Maruti and the other was in a white Cielo.

Everybody is having a contest saying Who is person of the century?8217; Who is the man of the millennium?8217; and Who is the msot important individual to have walked the earth?8217;. Some say it is Hitler, some say it is Amitabh Bachchan and some Mahatam Gandhi. All these men are great but there are some unsung heroes who made a world of a difference over the past 1,000 years

These are their names:
Ganpat Jhingurao. 1041. He was the first fisherman who had caught the first prawn. Thanks to this man the world was introduced to the tasty, good ol8217; jhinga.
Zalim Khan. 1164. The first police constable of the world who did not take a bribe. He was also popularly known as Dandamaster
Chaliya Chail Chabeela. 1302. He was the first man who started dressing as a woman, started his own dance classes and taught men to get in touch with their feminine side. Also holds the distinction of being married four times but no kids. You see, his husband8217;s couldn8217;t conceive. Till the day he died, he was very happy, and very gay.
Kajetton Coelho. 1488. The first Indian playwright, who wrote a Konkani play Maka Jeewank Soda which translated means Let me Live8217;. The play flopped, the man started the first bar of the nation, selling drinks at very low prices even during happy hours. This man was the first true patriot as he truly love his country underline.
Santo Marwaha. 1543. In a small village near Ludhiana, he invented lassi. Started the first dhaba and even though his food was stale, he made the stale food sell as he called it parson ka saag8216;.
Behram Bandookwalla. 1629. The actual inventor of the first bandook, he shot 78 people in the process of inventing the first gun. Bbut nevertheless was quite a marksman. In his friend8217;s circles and among close work associates he was popularly known as Pistolwallah Parsi8217;.
Suresh Menon. 1761. The inventor of the first dosa without masala. Since dosas really used to sell, he started blackmarketing them. Popularly also known as Men-on Black. Also invented the first elastic underwear.
Brijesh Byajkatke from Gujarat. 1807. Was the first Chartered Accountant-cum-moneylender. Also the first Indian to have more than 10,000 hundis to his name. Helped eradicate poverty by eradicating poor people. He also had a lovely singing voice.
Gyanendra Gangooly. 1906. Officially launched the first low-cal mishti dahoi shop. Invented a sweet laxative called julab jamun. A secret: he had webbed feet and was usually heard saying, quot;Wwebsites, my foot!quot;.
Bhupendra Bihari. 1929. The first Indian on Wall Street who was also an income tax officer. Wrote the book Raid Redinng Hood amp; Raiders of the last Great Depression. He also used to eat bhang with his burgers.

The birth of Sajid Khan. 1970. The Indian Express was never the same again. Was born in a vet8217;s hospital which later became a mental asylum. Clinicaly declared mad and insane. Often seen on television doing to viewers what the Australian cricket team just did to India.

So, don8217;t forget Ladies and Gentlemen, these are our true millennium men.

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Sajid Khan says have a Happy New Year. And I sincerely pray for all the hijacked passengers at Kandhar. God be with you!

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Brain Fry Day

Millennium MayhemHI guys! Happy New Year! Happy New Millennium we'll just come to that!. I feel privileged, I feel happy. And it is not ...