A women-only party is about bonding

A kitty party conjures images of coiffed middle-aged ladies exchanging carrot cake recipes over lunch, and playing cards. Anyone who thinks of themselves as somewhat evolved will recoil in horror at the prospect of joining one. But really, it’s about more than tambola and raffle tickets.

My husband’s grandmother has been part of a kitty for 70 years. She still calls it the ‘Curzon Road’ kitty, the erstwhile name of Kasturba Gandhi Marg where she lived. The few surviving members still meet regularly and knit sweaters for the poor. My mother-in-law has a ‘cousins’ kitty’. There’s no money involved, just a commitment to stay in touch.

The modern kitty however, combines all the therapeutic and cathartic benefits of a night out with friends while providing an environment for a forced saving, that my exporter friend tells me she would never manage otherwise. The rules are taken seriously and the accounts are maintained by a member.

I have a holiday group with some college friends and we try and meet up at a common destination for four-days-a-year. We have some rules, too — nobody is allowed to travel business class (to keep any hint of resentment at bay) and the hotel is chosen by whoever can afford it least. And no shopping till the last day (a defunct rule, impossible to enforce).

Everyday we pool in a fixed amount to cover taxi and lunch costs and we maintain it turn by turn. It sounds very childish but nothing like clarity in money matters to ensure lasting friendships. Enthused by the evident monetary benefits of a kitty, I proposed on our WhatsApp group, that we all try to put a modest sum aside every month, so at least our air tickets will get taken care of. It was met with mixed responses.

Fine, said one but if I suddenly decide I want the cash back, I should be able to get it, was her condition. Another flatly refused, saying she was happy to pay when the time came. But why, asked the third, puzzled by the logic. It’s a commitment, I explained, to which she scoffed and responded by saying she wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Which is really what it’s about. Call it a kitty or a girls’ night out, these parties keep the support system going. Gone may be the time when week nights lasted till 3 am. These occasions may be tame in comparison but a few precious days or hours, where reality is shoved to the back burner are the closest you can get to being single and carefree again.

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