‘He didn’t want to complain’: Sudha Murty recalls time she forgot to add salt to a meal she prepared for husband Narayana Murthy

In relationships, it’s natural for small mistakes to occur, whether it’s a cooking mishap or a forgotten errand. However, how we respond to these moments can deepen our bond or cause unnecessary tension. Showing understanding instead of frustration, like Narayana Murthy did, can create opportunities for connection and trust, reminding both partners that their effort and intentions truly matter.

How can small gestures of understanding foster a more resilient and appreciative relationship?

Dr Swarupa, psychiatric social worker and relationship counsellor at Cadabams Hospitals, says, “Overlooking minor mistakes in a relationship can foster a more positive emotional environment, making both partners feel valued and secure. When one partner chooses to respond with understanding rather than criticism, it helps create what psychologists call a ‘positive affective spiral.’” 

She adds, “Research in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Gottman et al., 2000) found that couples who consistently exhibit positive affect toward each other — through humour, kindness, or empathy — tend to be more resilient and satisfied in their relationships.”

Small gestures of understanding, such as not pointing out a forgotten ingredient, signal to the other partner that they’re valued for their effort and intention. Over time, Dr Swarupa says,  these positive responses accumulate, reinforcing trust, appreciation, and emotional safety. Acknowledging that effort was made despite the outcome helps prevent tension and allows partners to feel connected rather than criticised.

When one partner chooses to respond with understanding rather than criticism, it helps create what psychologists call a ‘positive affective spiral.’ (Source: Freepik)

Personality traits that make some people more likely to respond positively to mistakes

Dr Swarupa informs, “Personality traits like agreeableness, empathy, and emotional stability can make individuals more likely to respond positively to mistakes. According to The Big Five Personality Traits theory, agreeable individuals often prioritise harmony and are more forgiving, which makes them less inclined to dwell on minor errors (McCrae & Costa, 2008). Empathy also plays a role, as empathetic individuals tend to view situations from their partner’s perspective, understanding the intent behind actions rather than focusing solely on the outcome.”

Tips for couples to turn everyday mistakes into moments of connection

Turning mistakes into moments of connection involves simple yet powerful strategies. Here are a few effective approaches as stated by Dr Swarupa:

Express Appreciation: Couples can focus on the effort rather than the flaw when mistakes happen. Saying, “Thank you for making the effort, even if it didn’t turn out as planned” shifts focus toward appreciation. 

Use Humour to Lighten the Mood: Laughter can be a valuable tool to diffuse tension. Research from The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (Kurtz & Algoe, 2015) highlights that couples who share humour during minor challenges experience less stress and a stronger bond. 

Pause and Reflect: Considering the ‘bigger picture’ can help keep things in perspective. Reminding oneself that a minor mistake doesn’t reflect a lack of care can prevent negative reactions.

Create a Habit of Positive Reinforcement: Rather than waiting to acknowledge only perfect outcomes, recognising small positive efforts continuously can help foster a supportive relationship environment.