Shraddha Walkar murder: What women should know about relationship toxicity and red flags

It has also come to the fore that Shraddha used to stay with her mother — who passed away in 2020 — and a younger brother; her father did not stay with them. In October 2019, she moved-in with Aaftab despite her family’s objections. The two stayed together in Naigaon and then in Vasai for some time, and Shraddha visited her family only once in 2020 when her mother died of a heart ailment.

During the course of their relationship, Shraddha was purportedly physically assaulted “multiple times”; friends saw bruises on her. “He had too much influence on her,” they told this outlet. Shraddha, who used to communicate with her friends over the phone, had stopped doing that, too, towards May-end, days before her life was brutally ended.

All aspects of this case point towards an unhealthy relationship, toxicity, abuse and other such red flags. Sadly, many women remain uninformed about their emotional and psychological rights.

We reached out to Arouba Kabir, a mental health counselor and the founder of Enso Wellness, who said ‘respect’ is the most important thing in a relationship. “…respect for your boundaries, for your present, your past, your ‘yes’ and your ‘no’. If there is possessiveness and jealousy, know that it is not the right kind of relationship,” she told this outlet. Arouba said one needs to communicate and express themselves all the time. But, even after that if your partner refuses to respect your boundaries, it could indicate a major red flag.

Chennai-based psychiatrist and director of SCARF Dr Padmavati Ramachandran told indianexpress.com that in Shraddha’s case, it was perhaps more about finding it difficult to come out of the abusive relationship than choosing to stay in it, coupled with the fact that she probably felt “guilty” about not listening to her family. “For a woman who is in such a relationship, they must know that they can go and talk to a friend.”

Arouba stated that a toxic relationship is one wherein “you are not given the due respect, your space”. “It means you are not growing, but are instead being questioned, or asked not to do certain things that may displease your partner. Checking your phone, taking the passwords, keeping a track of your finances, asking you to let go of your friends are signs that your relationship is toxic.”

So, how can a woman come out of a toxic relationship, especially if her partner is emotionally blackmailing her? She must first recognise the red flags, Dr Padmavati said, adding that these include frequent quarrels and disagreements. “A woman cannot keep nodding her head for everything. Another huge red flag is physical violence or verbal abuse. It also includes insulting her in public places, or talking negatively about her to others, whether in her presence or absence, like, ‘Oh, she does not cook well at all’, or ‘She does not dress well’. Red flag also means standing in her way for everything, not allowing her to go somewhere,” she explained.

As far as threatening her is concerned, Arouba said one can only be threatened when they do not have a “support system” and are isolated. “The first and foremost thing [a toxic partner does] is, they cut you off from your most trusted people. But, if they know you can express yourself to people, they would not dare to blackmail you.”

Arouba also said it is a big red flag when a person threatens to kill themselves. “They are emotionally-unstable people. You should just leave [them], connect them with someone who can help, and get out of it. [Or] figure out why you chose to stay in the relationship; what were your fears? It is important to know both the aspects, but know that their emotional journey is not yours to take care of,” she concluded.

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