‘We stayed in paying guests’: Madhu Chopra on overcoming family resistance to support daughter Priyanka’s dreams to contest in Miss India

Madhu continued, “Next morning, he sat me down and said, ‘Okay, she can go but there’s one condition — you forget your medical practice, you will be with her for every minute of her journey. So you will go to Bombay too with her. If you promise that, then she can go.’ I said, ‘Okay, promise.’” She recalled that Priyanka’s father agreed to support both of them. “He made the money for us to spend in Bombay, it was not easy. We had some family members who helped us. We stayed in paying guests. She didn’t want to come back a failure because everybody was expecting her to fail. She had a lot of grit and determination; I saw her working hard.” 

Parents often have to make difficult choices when their child’s aspirations don’t align with conventional expectations. 

 

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How can parents balance supporting their child’s unconventional career choices while addressing concerns from extended family members?

Gurleen Baruah, existential psychotherapist at That Culture Thing, tells indianexpress.com, “In collectivist cultures like India, the extended family — especially the patriarch — often influences major life decisions. When a child chooses an unconventional career, it isn’t just about their success but how the decision reflects on the family’s honor and stability. Psychologically, this tension stems from a deep-seated need for belonging and social validation. ‘Log kya kahenge’ isn’t just an external fear; it taps into an existential anxiety about acceptance and rejection.”

She adds that parents may unconsciously project their fears of nonconformity onto their children, mistaking societal approval for genuine security. “The real balance comes from reframing this fear — not seeing extended family’s concerns as rigid barriers, but as anxieties that can be addressed through dialogue and gradual exposure. When parents validate their child’s dreams while involving the family in the journey, they transform resistance into shared pride,” notes Baruah. 

Psychological impact on a child when they see their parents making sacrifices for their dreams

“The awareness that a parent has given up their aspirations, career, or financial stability can instill a profound sense of responsibility, making success feel less like a personal goal and more like a debt that must be repaid. This can lead to performance anxiety, where the child internalises the belief that their worth is tied to their achievements, and any failure is not just personal but a betrayal of their parents’ sacrifices,” Baruah says. 

Baruah explains, “However if parents openly communicate that their sacrifices were choices made out of love, not the obligation and that their child’s journey is their own to define, it can reduce this burden. The key is ensuring that support feels like a source of strength rather than a lifelong debt to be repaid.”