Amrita Singh has been quite outspoken about her journey - from career to personal life. In a similar vein, the actor once opened up about facing the worst crisis in her life, and contrary to popular opinion, her divorce in 2004 came much lower in the list. In a Zoom chat with actor and host Pooja Bedi, the Mard actor dismissed Bedi's statement that divorce was the 'worst crisis' in her life. "No, no. The worst crisis of my life was losing my mother. That was the worst crisis because it was the only identity and the only pillar I had in my life. I had no other family other than my mother. I come from a broken home, and I have no siblings. And I only live with my mother. I lost my mother at a very crucial time in my life. And losing her was a huge blow," Singh said. She added that the second crisis was when her newly-born son Ibrahim was really unwell. "And when Ibrahim was born, he got very unwell. And that was the second nasty blow in my life." She added, "So, my divorce comes much lower down in the priority list of shocks." On her divorce, she further shared that it took some time to realise the fact of being able to get back up. "I was hurt. I had to deal with my emotions as a woman. Thereafter, once I accepted that, everything fell into place. I think, as a woman, I had to deal with the fact that you win some, you lose some." She also spoke about not feeling scared to earn again and live as a single mom. "It doesn't scare me. Till I am alive, I know I am capable. This transition hasn't been really difficult for me," shared Amrita. Taking a cue from her admission, let's examine how, sometimes, watershed moments like divorce can also seem to rate much lower in one's life in hindsight. From a cognitive neuroscience perspective, shock is about depth, not drama, said Subhash HJ, counselor and mental health educator at Vasavi Hospitals, Bengaluru. According to him, shock is often prioritised based on various factors, such as emotional preparedness, personal significance, and the degree to which it affects our sense of self, support, safety, and emotional stability. "A divorce might look messy and socially dramatic, but for someone who was anticipating it or experiencing marital discord, it may not come across as shocking as the death of a parent, which uproots their emotional anchors formed since childhood," said Subhash. He also emphasized that our brain's prefrontal cortex helps us introspect, make decisions, and assign meaning to these experiences, thereby reframe them in a more manageable way. "Our past personal experiences (autobiographical memories) play a significant role in making this decision and regulating our emotions. For example, in Amrita's case, her memories with her mother of life dependencies and emotional support may have triggered it more than a divorce," said Subhash. The expert noted that personal, unpredictable, and involving dependencies and attachments often leave a more substantial impact than those that are visible, socially dramatic, predictable, and prepared for. "On that note, the assumption that a divorce is always the most shocking experience that anyone can go through is rooted in the assumption that marriage is the happiest moment for anyone in life. Emotional experiences like shock and happiness are deeply personal, and their intensities do not necessarily have to conform to social norms," said Subhash.
