Kiran Rao and Aamir Khan, though divorced since 2021 after a 16-year marriage, have maintained a unique relationship, working closely together and co-parenting their son, Azad. Recently, Rao opened up in an interview with Kareena Kapoor on her show What Women Want about the dynamics of her relationship with Khan, particularly in a professional context, as he has produced her latest film, Laapataa Ladies, India’s submission for the Oscars this year. When asked about what she loves, hates, and tolerates about her former partner, Rao revealed that she “barely tolerates” Khan’s tendency to give prolonged lectures. “I would like to say… he can go off and lecture. Like he will give certain lamba (long) lectures about things sometimes and those, I don’t like. I mean, it’s not quite mansplaining, but coming close,” she shared. This brings to light an important aspect of communication in relationships - how to recognise when dialogue shifts from healthy sharing to something that might feel patronising. Recognising healthy dialogue versus mansplaining Gurleen Baruah, organisational psychologist and executive coach at That Culture Thing, tells indianexpress.com that healthy dialogue is rooted in mutual respect and trust. "In healthy dialogue, there's a sense of mutual respect and trust, where each partner feels they are seen as an equal," she explains. This includes active listening and thoughtful responses rather than assumptions about the other person's knowledge. "Mansplaining, on the other hand, often stems from an assumption about the other person's knowledge or capability, regardless of the reality," she adds. "This might look like one partner frequently giving advice or explanations that feel unsolicited or condescending." Signs of crossing the line Individuals can recognise when they might unintentionally cross into "lecturing" or "mansplaining" by paying attention to a few key signs in their interactions. Baruah emphasises the importance of self-awareness in conversations. "If they haven't asked for help or seem to know the topic well, it's a good cue to hold back," she says. She suggests a simple check-in: "Do you think it would be helpful if I explained a bit more, or does it make sense?" Another sign is noticing assumptions about the other person’s competence. “If someone finds themselves explaining something that may feel obvious or redundant, it’s worth pausing to consider if they’re unintentionally implying the other person lacks understanding,” says Baruah. Lastly, she says, being aware of any bias—such as assuming one’s knowledge is superior because of gender or experience—can help. She adds that recognising these signs and approaching conversations with curiosity rather than certainty keeps interactions respectful and collaborative. Addressing lecturing tendencies For those dealing with a partner's tendency to lecture, Baruah suggests a gentle approach using "I" statements. "Saying something like, 'I feel more engaged in our conversations when we both share ideas,' stresses a desire for balanced communication without directly criticising," she advises. It’s also helpful to bring in moments of gratitude and appreciation. Baruah recommends acknowledging the intention behind explanations: "I really appreciate how much you know about this, and I'd love for us to both get a chance to discuss it equally." By implementing these strategies and maintaining awareness of communication patterns, couples can work towards creating more balanced, respectful dialogue that enriches their relationship rather than strain it.
