‘Selective amnesia and partial deafness’: Kajol reveals the real secret to 26 years of ‘happy marriage’ with Ajay Devgn; expert shares whether their approach works

Kajol also revealed that traditional ideas of couple bonding, like regular date nights, don’t apply to them. “We don’t have date nights and all that. Hum yeh sab nahi karte hai (we don’t do these things). We mostly have family time because it is very rare that we spend time at home together. Either he is working or travelling, or I am working or travelling. So whenever we find some time, we try and stay at home with everybody else. No date nights as such.” She describes their dynamic as more friend-like now. “Kitne saal hogaye shaadi ke (it’s been so many years since we got married), you can’t expect me to blush when I am talking about him.”

So, can deliberately ‘letting go’ or not reacting to certain behaviours in a partner help build long-term relationship harmony?

Jai Arora, counselling psychologist and co-founder of Kirana Counselling, tells indianexpress.com, “Yes, emotional restraint or conscious ‘letting go’ can be powerful in long-term relationships. Partners often say or do things in the heat of the moment that don’t reflect their deeper intentions.”

Selective attention helps prevent unnecessary conflict, he continues, adding that it’s not about ignoring red flags “but choosing your battles wisely.” Letting go of small irritations can reduce emotional reactivity and create space for empathy, humour, and forgiveness to thrive. 

Viewing relationships from a macro lens, sometimes ignoring these little triggers might just be helpful in the long run.

In relationships where both partners are opposites, what are the most important ways to maintain emotional connection and avoid conflict?

When opposites attract, friction is natural. “But the key lies in appreciating, not fixing, those differences. And communicating and asserting your needs and your boundaries clearly,” states Arora.   

Knowing your non-negotiables always helps. For example: Writing down five things that you will never compromise in a relationship, but the rest you are willing to be flexible around. This is a good way to take care of your needs in a non-rigid way.

Does the absence of typical date nights or romantic gestures impact the health of a marriage?

Arora says, “Not necessarily. While date nights can help, their absence doesn’t doom a relationship. They are one way of maintaining a relationship, not the only one.”

What matters more is emotional availability, feeling seen, heard, and safe with each other. “Shared laughter, being present in mundane routines, or just watching kids grow together can offer deep intimacy. As long as both partners feel emotionally connected and appreciated, the form of ‘romance’ can vary widely,” concludes the expert.