‘The love began first, and…’: Gurmeet Choudhary-Debina Bonnerjee on getting secretly married at the age of 19; what young couples need to know before doing the same

Their decision to eventually marry each other was deeply personal but unconventional. “I have always believed in the concept of soulmates. I am very filmy. We got married also in a filmy way, we eloped from our homes and secretly got married. None of our parents knew. But I sincerely tell everyone not to do this. We don’t recommend it. We were blessed that our marriage worked,” Gurmeet shared. While their relationship has stood the test of time, both acknowledge how rare their experience is after witnessing their own friends’ marriages fail after taking inspiration from them. “God was our parachute, not everybody has that,” said Debina.

So what are the risks couples may face when they get married at a very young age without family support or guidance?

Psychologist Rasshi Gurnani shares that marrying at a very young age without family support can “pose significant emotional and psychological risks.” At this stage in life, individuals are still undergoing identity formation, and their ability to cope with complex adult responsibilities like marriage is often limited. “Without the guidance of trusted adults or family systems, young couples may experience heightened anxiety, emotional dysregulation, and poor conflict-resolution patterns,” notes the expert.

 

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The absence of emotional scaffolding can also lead to a sense of loneliness, and over time, this can result in feelings of regret, resentment, or even emotional burnout. In psychological terms, this stage is marked by a lack of ego maturity, which can impact decision-making and future planning.

Long-term strain on the relationship

Gurnani mentions that when a couple is cut off from their families, they often lack the necessary social and emotional buffers needed to navigate challenges. Over time, this can lead to role strain, unresolved interpersonal conflict, and financial stress. “The secrecy itself can create a sense of guilt, shame, or rebellion, which may unconsciously affect the couple’s dynamics. In the absence of external validation or communal support, the partners may also begin to question the legitimacy or stability of their bond, particularly during periods of stress.”

Some ways young couples can build a resilient partnership when they’ve started out in unconventional ways

Despite an unconventional start, young couples can build resilient relationships with the right psychological tools. Gurnani stresses, “They must invest in building emotional intelligence, open communication, and shared goals. Seeking therapy or couples counselling early can offer them a space to process individual and joint struggles while strengthening their emotional bandwidth.”

Practicing self-reflection, understanding personal triggers, and fostering emotional safety can help reduce reactive behaviors and build long-term trust.