Jennifer Lopez files for divorce from Ben Affleck: 7 questions to ask before getting back with an ex

Deciding whether to rekindle a relationship with an ex can be a complex process that requires deep self-reflection. While getting back together may seem appealing, evaluating the potential risks and rewards is crucial. As such, Dr Neerja Agarwal, psychologist and co-founder of Emoneeds, suggests asking yourself some important questions to ensure that reuniting is the best choice for both parties.

1. Have the problems that caused the breakup been resolved?

One of the first and most important questions to ask yourself is whether the issues that led to the breakup have been fully addressed. If you or your ex haven’t worked on the underlying problems, they are likely to resurface. Unresolved conflicts, whether they are about communication, trust, or compatibility, can bring about the same toxic patterns.

2. Has there been personal growth?

Both individuals must have grown emotionally and personally during the time apart. If there has been no meaningful growth or change in behavior, the relationship may fall back into the same harmful cycle. Take time to assess if you and your ex have developed better coping mechanisms, emotional intelligence, or habits that would support a healthier relationship this time around.

Throwback to Bennifer’s Jenny from the Block days when they were constantly followed by the paparazzi. (Photo: Jennifer Lopez/YouTube, Jennifer Lopez/Instagram)

3. Am I doing this out of loneliness or pressure?

It’s essential to reflect on the reasons behind wanting to reconnect. If your motivation stems from loneliness, fear of being single, or societal pressure, it may not be the right decision. Reuniting should come from a place of genuine connection and a desire to build a stronger bond, not from external factors that may fade over time.

4. Is there still emotional manipulation or control?

Emotional manipulation is a significant warning sign that reconciling may not be wise. If your ex engaged in gaslighting, controlling behavior, or manipulation, these are serious red flags. No matter how much you miss the relationship, emotional safety should never be compromised.

5. Can I re-establish trust and feel safe?

Trust and emotional safety are the cornerstones of any healthy relationship. Ask yourself if you can fully trust your ex again and whether you feel safe and respected in the relationship. If trust was broken and has not been rebuilt, the relationship may struggle to move forward in a positive direction.

6. Are boundaries respected?

Before considering getting back with an ex, ensure that boundaries, both emotional and physical, are respected. A disregard for boundaries is a clear indicator that the relationship may not be healthy and could lead to further complications if revisited.

7. Why do I want to reconnect?

Lastly, be honest with yourself about why you want to get back together. Are you seeking comfort in the familiar, or is there a genuine desire to build something stronger? If the desire to reunite is purely based on habit, it’s important to reconsider whether it’s worth revisiting.