5 types of apology languages to resolve relationship conflicts

According to Sidhharrth S Kumaar, relationship coach, NumroVani , identifying and speaking the apology language of your partner can lead to a deeper bond, fostering healthier relationships.

By: Lifestyle Desk
New Delhi | Updated: February 27, 2024 03:22 PM IST

3 min read

Apology languages can be a powerful tool in maintaining and building healthy relationships. (Source: Freepik)

In the realm of relationships, the concept of love languages, popularised by Gary Chapman, has become a guiding light for many seeking to express heartfelt commitment. What may surprise some is that this idea extends beyond love to the realm of apologies. Jennifer Thomas, collaborating with Chapman, delves into this intriguing territory in their book, “The 5 Apology Languages: The Secret to Healthy Relationships,” uncovering the diverse ways individuals seek and offer apologies.

Understanding the apology language of a loved one can help them feel truly validated and heard. According to Sidhharrth S Kumaar, relationship coach, NumroVani , identifying and speaking the apology language of your partner can lead to a deeper bond, fostering healthier relationships. So, without further ado, let us present to you the 5 apology languages.

1. Expressing regret

Some people value a straightforward acknowledgment of wrongdoing. In such a scenario, Kumaar told indianexpress.com in an interaction that a simple “I’m sorry” can carry profound meaning for individuals who value this form of expression. “It’s critical to apologise truly and without reservation for the hurt you caused, without offering an explanation or an attempt to defend your conduct.”

2. Accepting responsibility

The second language involves earnestly admitting wrongdoing and taking accountability for one’s actions. “In this type of apology, one acknowledges their mistakes and takes ownership of their behaviour. Expressions such as “It was my fault,” “I shouldn’t have done that,” and “I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again” have a profound influence,” Kumaar said. Adding to this, taking responsibility means not only saying sorry but also acknowledging the impact of one’s behaviour on the other person.

3. Making restitution

Taking proactive steps to make things right is the main idea of this language. “This apology language emphasises the importance of tangible efforts to repair the damage. From small gestures to significant acts, the emphasis is on restoring trust through concrete actions. This could be buying a gift, finishing work they forgot to complete, or offering assistance with a particular activity,” Kumaar explained.

4. Promising change

This language centers on demonstrating a commitment to change. “Individuals who appreciate his apology language look for signs that the apology is not just lip service but a genuine promise to avoid repeating the hurtful behaviour,” Kumaar said.

5. Requesting forgiveness

For some, the act of seeking forgiveness is crucial. “Asking the person who was offended to pardon the error is the goal of this language. It respects the person’s sentiments and decision-making while granting them authority. “Can you forgive me?” and “I hope you can understand my mistake” are examples of phrases that express regret and a wish to make amends,” Kumaar noted.

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Kumaar suggested open communication as the key to discovering and addressing these preferences. “Sharing with your loved ones how you prefer to receive apologies and learning their preferences can pave the way for healthier, more understanding relationships.”

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