Repair any relationship with these expert-approved tips (bonus suggestions for lovers!)

How to mend a relationship

Dr Pankaj B Borade, consultant psychiatrist, Ruby Hall Clinic shared a few tips to amend any relationship. They are:

* Openly communicate your desire to work on the relationship. Express your feelings and concerns honestly, using “I” statements to explain how their actions or words have impacted you, without resorting to blame or criticism.

* Rebuild trust. Rebuilding trust requires time and consistency. Show reliability by keeping your promises and letting your actions speak louder than words. Consistently engage in positive interactions to gradually rebuild trust.

* Take responsibility by acknowledging your mistakes and sincerely apologise if you’ve contributed to relationship issues. It demonstrates your commitment to change and rebuilding trust.

 

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* Set and respect healthy boundaries that cater to each other’s needs. Clear boundaries foster safety and respect in the relationship.

* Forgiveness is vital for repairing relationships. It means enabling healing and growth. Forgiveness doesn’t entail forgetting or condoning hurtful actions, but rather choosing to move forward with a renewed commitment to the relationship.

* Lastly, if relationship issues feel overwhelming or hard to resolve independently, seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can guide you, improve communication, and provide conflict resolution strategies.

How to repair romantic relationships

It is rightly said that “falling in love is the easy part, and staying in love is another matter.”

“Most of us do not naturally know how to do repair a relationship and this eventual buildup over time leads to feeling unsafe, less intimate, often more alone in a relationship,” Tanni Choudhury, Lecturer at Jindal Institute of Behaviour Sciences told indianexpress.com

It is rightly said that “falling in love is the easy part, and staying in love is another matter.” What sets couples apart from one’s blessed with ongoing happiness is knowing how to repair. (Pic source: Freepik)

She added, “But there’s a good news – as couples you can learn to address and pay attention to these core issues to create deeply fulfilling relationships. The ability to repair is a skill you can learn that has been extensively studied for decades by psychologists”.

Choudhury shared some tools by psychologists Susan Campbell and John Grey that you can currently put into use if you are in a relationship. They are:

• Identifying triggers: Understand what really causes the blowups, shutdowns, and vicious communication cycles. You can probably recall times when your emotions seemed to take over, causing you to do and say things that you would not have done had you not been triggered.
• Taking a pause: Whenever you realise you or your partner are triggered, you need to agree on a signal that will help you to initiate pause. For example, “I need to pause”, “Let’s take a break”. Such pauses are to interrupt our unconscious pattern of reactive behaviours.

The ability to repair is a skill you can learn that has been extensively studied for decades by psychologists. (Pic source: Freepik)

• Frequent coregulation: Coregulation refers to how one person offers reassurance to another in ways that calm the person’s nervous system. It is primarily a biological phenomenon with simple nonverbal behaviours that sends a message of reassuring safety to any human nervous system including in adults. Frequent co-regulation by a partner needs better self-regulation. Such behaviours in couples could look like, “Thanks for pausing. I really like how we can do this together”, “I want to hold your hand “,” I’ll need an hour before I can continue discussing this topic.”

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