Breaking Down News: What’s In a Name?

“Let’s move on to India,” said British-American comic newscaster John Oliver elsewhere in the ether. “And the last time a British person said that, we didn’t leave for about 200 years.” His interest had been moved by Zakka Jacob’s show on India Today TV. In the context of the utterly interminable porn debate, Jacob wanted to know how one could constitute a threat to public order in the confines of one’s bedroom. Subramanian Swamy had the answer: “Well, you could get corrupted and then become a sex maniac.” One suspects that the American channels are not following Indian shows, but rather following Subramanian Swamy. He is the common factor in shows by Oliver, Buzzfeed etc. He last drew their attention when he called Arnab Goswami a “moron”.

We know that the government banned 857 sites for carrying pornography, but we really needed Oliver to tell us their names, which are of great anthropological interest. Printable examples include randyhags.com, oldwomanface.com and the intriguing maturewitch.com. If this is what the human race gets off on, we don’t have to wait for the sun to go supernova, we are doomed already. “If you want to deal with your population problem, don’t ban them,” said Oliver. “Make them mandatory because after seeing them, I never want to have sex again.” And about Swamy’s anxiety about sex maniacs, he said: “This is the land of the Kamasutra, which is a mix between sex, yoga and a skiing accident.”

Newsweek’s latest cover is about “Toxic Fashion: the environmental crisis in your closet”. The closet is in America, the crisis in Tamil Nadu. The publication visits villages in the vicinity of Tirupur where agriculture has been affected by textile effluents, and guilt-trips already sheepish Americans wearing Gap, Hilfiger and Walmart T-shirts, which are made here.

Meanwhile, the prime minister is off to connect with honest Indians in the Emirates, and the event at the Dubai Cricket Stadium is being organised like a trade fair. Visitors must pre-register on NaMoindubai.ae with an ID, which they must carry to the venue. There’s a very trade-fair-grade map on the site, whose index page is dominated by a huge clock counting down days, hours and minutes to the glad event.
Inspired by the success of its channel in Kerala, the Congress apparently wants to launch a national TV channel. There is a tradition of party channels in the south, but one wonders if they can flourish nationally. No matter. Volini already sponsors Pro Kabaddi. It could profitably move on to other sites of pain.

pratik.kanjilal@expressindia.com