Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Bella Swan (Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Pattinson) are right where we left them the last time,still debating their three staples: A) she wants to “change” (into a vampire),he is “unwilling”,but will go with whatever she wants. B) she wants him to change her,he wants her to marry him first. Being a vampire for the rest of eternity is apparently easy for her; being married at 18,she just can’t digest. And C) How far can they go without actually “doing it”? In a move guaranteed to keep the teen Twihards giggly and gooey-eyed,Bella gets through the most buttons on their clothes this time before Edward decides,again,to roll off the bed. “Believe me,” he tells her,looking deep into her eyes,“I want to.”

Believe me,so do we. Perhaps then “the Twilight saga” will pulsate with some real passion. And that’s a sad comment on the third part of this embarrassingly successful series,which is actually packed with more action than the two books preceding it. However,the problem is that it still can’t hide the fact that while there is a battle with an army of “newborns (freshly converted vampires)”,nothing really changes in the lives of Bella and Edward in this outing.

In their blissful world of daisies,late-night schmoozing,hand-in-hand sauntering and amazing idling,the only real scene of tension is Jacob (Lautner) getting into Bella’s sleeping bag to keep her warm on a stormy night (yes,really). Jacob,for those who came in late,is a werewolf who likes Bella,has a taut,tanned and muscled body,kept bare in the upper half because,you see,he can become a wolf any time — and what function will clothes serve then? The lower half is covered in shorts,which the “pack” seems to have enough of a supply of.

Apparently,werewolves have high body temperatures which can serve as “personal heaters” in a snowstorm.

Edward is jealous,and given the pasty make-up that he has been made to sport in comparison,Pattinson should very well be.

It isn’t just in the physical appearance that Pattinson pales,literally. Lautner at least gets to be cheesy,naughty,ardent and churlish,and to even plant a kiss on an unwilling Bella — which he does okay enough. With the persona of the gentlemanly,restrained Edward drilled into him,Pattinson in comparison is terribly earnest,and honestly boring. He has the looks sure,but it’s doubtful how long he can pass off crooked half-smiles,moony looks from under bushy eyebrows,and glowering eyeballs as acting.

As for Stewart,you wonder what Jacob’s talking about when he protests that Edward will “suck the life out of her”. She seems to have decided that her part in this series,where a vampire coven and a werewolf pack are both risking their lives to save hers,is to saunter through sullen,dull and moping,even turning up in jeans and shirt for a party thrown for her. Bella is supposed to be caught in a dilemma over who to choose between Edward and Jacob,but more than confusion,all she reflects is — in Jacob’s words — “same old,same old”.

The other vampires and werewolves don’t get to do much except be appreciative audiences for this eternal love triangle. And to throw themselves in harm’s and the infamous vampire Victoria’s way for Bella — no questions asked. Ashley Greene as Alice Cullen does manage to steal some scenes,but the less said of her partner,Jasper (Rathbone),the better. He ain’t just a vampire,he is a wax statue/Edward Scissorhands frozen in a state of permanent surprise.

The threat to Bella is posed by the newborn army,and in fact the fighting sequences — where the vampires and werewolves are really allowed to be themselves — are the best part of Eclipse.

In the end,a really serious question. What do you think Bella and Edward will talk about once all this has been left behind,and she is actually a vampire?

An eternity suddenly seems a really long time.

shalini.langer@expressindia.com