No Problem

Rating:*

This has to be the most ironic title ever. The problems never cease in ‘No Problem’,an unending series of the most unfunny,disjointed scenes masquerading as a film. Don’t go looking for a plot. There isn’t one. Don’t go looking for sense. There ain’t none. But that wouldn’t matter one bit if Anees Bazmee,who’s done so well with his previous forays into similar territory ( ‘No Entry’,‘Welcome’,‘Singh Is Kinng’),gave us a few laughs. ‘No Problem’ provides us nothing but an increasingly urgent need to flee the theatre,as fast as possible.

The film has Anil Kapoor and Sanjay Dutt and Paresh Rawal and Shakti Kapoor,no slouches at the kind of loud,physical comedy which is usually passable when you feel like checking your brain at the door. Sushmita Sen and Akshaye Khanna have been funny before. This is what Bazmee gets them to do in his latest : Dutt and Khanna play Yash and Raj,two small-time crooks. Rawal is called Zandulal,which name,pronounced with an emphasis,can cause tasteless laughter. Kapoor is a cop,whose wife ( Sen) has a split personality. Ranaut is an empty-headed bimbette who has nothing. And Suniel Shetty ,chief baddie,shows up once in a while to demand tonelessly where the diamonds are. Which diamonds? Don’t ask.

The place where this bunch is located is Durban,which allows the film to show beaches and bikinis and bare butts. And black people to be turned into the butt of bad jokes. It also gets Khanna in hideous drag,and Kapoor to slobber over him. Sen is packed in pancake and made to run around with cleavers : when she’s okay,she mothers a child who doesn’t look like its hers,when she’s not,she wants to slice her husband into two. Ranaut,a newbie to this kind of comedy,is given the stand-out line in the film : woh TV hai,main plasma,who Indica hai,main Ferrari.

Oh,and I almost forgot,there are some chimpanzees brought in to grace the climax. Or are they gorillas? I dare you to watch the film and tell me.

shubhragupta@expressindia.com