India’s Most Detestable

Those of you who regularly tune into my show will know that I personally handpick only the most despicable,debauched and truly deplorable men and women in India.

However,today I am proud to introduce to you a supremely detestable international celebrity,who the world loves to hate. Ladies and Gentlemen,Boys and Girls,it gives me the greatest pleasure to bring you live,via satellite,Julian Assange of Wikileaks.

Hello and a very warm welcome to my show,Julian.

Julian: Thank you Kooky. It’s such a privilege to be featured amongst your chosen few.

Kooky: Julian,you have single-handedly made a public nuisance of yourself across the world in a relatively short period of time.

Tell me,how did you manage to become such a prized dislike?

Julian: Well,Kooky,the trick really lies in annoying all the people,all the time. If you constantly poke,prod and expose the shenanigans and/or Swiss bank accounts of people in public office they are bound to get annoyed at some point. That’s how I was anointed Public Enemy Number One.

Kooky: Well,Mayawati might say you are more of a public enema,Julian! Your allegations against her have caused quite an international sandal,err… scandal.

Julian: Yes,I did put my foot into that one.

Kooky: Tell me honestly,what’s your problem even if she did send a plane to Mumbai to buy footwear?

Julian: No problem,it just proves my point that she’s a slippery character.

Kooky: How very middle-class of you,Julian. That’s just one of the few perks of being an Indian politician. Did you know that even Jawaharlal Nehru used to regularly send his clothes to a laundry in Paris?

Julian: I prefer to comment only on other types of laundering. And expose those who are taking the nation to the cleaners.

Kooky: Mayawati has very graciously invited you to Agra and offered to host you at the mental asylum there. Will you accept?

Julian: I would love to go to Agra. There’s another juicy scandal involving her waiting to be exposed,regarding the Taj corridor.

Kooky: Really,the corridor? I imagine you might find juicier scandals in one of the suites or even perhaps the Taj lobby,after midnight?

Julian: Kooky,no offense,but I think this conversation is going nowhere — much like your government’s efforts at bringing back black money or David Headley. Goodbye!

Kooky: Oh no,we seem to have lost our satellite link even before our Tarot reader could predict Julian’s future. No worries,we will be back next week with our Tihar Special,where the always-entertaining Amar Singhji has threatened to sing if the others don’t dance to his tunes.

Fahad Samar is a filmmaker,inveterate traveller and intrepid chronicler of society samarofdiscontent@gmail.com