How to deal with a teen who has a narcissistic personality disorder

When a teen has NPD, narcissistic behaviour can overtake every aspect of their (and your) life. This can make it difficult for them to manage stress, regulate emotions, maintain healthy interpersonal relationships or handle criticism. As a parent, it’s important to understand your teen’s behaviour, so you can provide them with the appropriate support they need.

Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Teens

Some symptoms associated with NPD, like the narcissistic trait of entitlement or self-absorption, are normal for teens who are still developing a sense of self. However, someone with teenage narcissistic personality disorder will exhibit narcissistic behaviours that interfere with their personal relationships and day-to-day life. Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder in teens may include:

• Lack of empathy
• Feeling superior to those around them
• Exaggerating their own accomplishments
• Engaging in manipulative behaviour without remorse
• Intense jealousy of others
• Extreme negative reactions to criticism
• A constant need for positive affirmation
• Ignoring personal boundaries

The Causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Researchers do not know for certain what causes NPD. However, most experts believe that narcissistic personality disorder emerges from a combination of these factors:

Genetic: Inherited characteristics may influence NPD. If a person has narcissistic personality disorder, research suggests that there is a slightly increased risk that their children will also suffer from NPD.

Neurobiological: Some experts believe that narcissistic personality disorder is a result of miscommunication between the brain and behaviour.

Social and environmental: This refers to how a person is influenced by their early relationships with family, friends and peers. Specifically, some experts theorise that parent-child relationships characterised by excessive adoration and over-protection, excessive criticism or severe neglect or abuse may trigger NPD.

Psychological: This refers to the individual’s overall personality and temperament, which may be more or less vulnerable to NPD.

As suggested, narcissistic personality disorder appears to be the result of several interdependent and intertwined factors.

How to Deal with a Teenager With NPD

Dealing with an NPD teenager can be difficult and overwhelming. Your teen may feel entitled to certain levels of treatment or they might believe that the rules shouldn’t apply to them. NPD can also make some teens more sensitive to criticism, which can make it difficult to get them the help they need to correct inappropriate or unhealthy behaviours.

When it comes to how to deal with narcissistic personality disorder, there are coping mechanisms and strategies that can teach you to effectively parent your teen. The teenage brain is still developing, and the right techniques could be instrumental in addressing these behaviours before the teen becomes an adult.

Try compliment sandwiches

It’s never easy to receive criticism, especially when you’re a teen with symptoms of NPD. If you have feedback or constructive criticism for your teenager, you can soften it by sandwiching things between two compliments. This might help to minimise distress and make your teen more receptive to what you have to say.

Don’t tolerate harmful behaviours

Even if your young adult reacts defensively to negative feedback, you shouldn’t allow them to treat you or others poorly. When your teen behaves badly, it’s important that you address the behaviour as soon as possible. Explain how their actions can be hurtful or harmful to others.

Set boundaries

Teens with NPD often feel entitled to do what they want, when they want. By setting firm family boundaries and introducing structure to your teen’s life, you can teach them that there are rules they must follow. It’s likely that your teen will push back against these boundaries at first, but if you continue to enforce them, they’ll be more willing to accept them in time.

Offer them choices

When a teen has narcissistic traits, they may feel like they shouldn’t have to do chores, homework, or other basic tasks. You can give your teen a sense of control by allowing them to choose between two different positive behaviours.

Work to build empathy

While low empathy is a symptom of NPD, it is possible to develop empathy over time. Reading and volunteer work are just a few of the many ways you can cultivate compassion in teens. When teens have negative interpersonal interactions, encourage them to put themselves in the other person’s shoes.

As parents it is very important for you to keep your behaviour in check too, children often follow and try to imitate what their parents are doing. Having family counselling can be extremely beneficial here. A therapist being a neutral person is able to provide the family a more constructive and unbiased feedback.