The CIA and other agencies

Next, the opening scene in what passes for a New Delhi hotel. CIA and its Indian ace agent, nuclear physicist, Prabhakaran, plan their next move.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

I.I.

I.I. who?

I.I-yo, what’s that lying in your bed? A foreign lady. Indian Intelligence (I.I.) barges in and strips the bed sheet off her! Sizzling, sensational stuff. Is this how our intelligence officers behave? Cannot recall shows in which dashing American or British agents conduct such strip-tease exercises. Something Orientals do? Tusk, tusk.

An appropriate moment to introduce the ‘‘ivory tool’’ our foxy Indian operatives use to slit open a confidential communication sent by the CIA. ‘‘Ivory tool’’? What ever do they mean? Dr Prabhakharan is unmasked as a traitorous double agent for India, kind courtesy said ivory tool and at the end of the episode he is forced to play The Agency’s game and is paid for it as an ISI operative!

Maybe the Home Minister who watched Company (about Dawood Ibrahim) should spend time watching The Agency too?

* Or PTV. Last Thursday, it had a ‘live’ discussion on Rocca’s visit and the tragic attack on the Jammu army barracks. The discussion was highly educative. Usually, such shows are occasions for verbal diatribes against India. This time, the guests — Mushahid Hussain, former information minister in Nawaz Sharief’s government, Rashid Rehman, Editor of the Frontier Post and Nusrat Javeed, an analyst — were rather circumspect in spite of the anchor’s repeated references to India’s ‘‘shenenigans’’ and devious designs. There was more criticism of USA and the American media which still portrayed Pakistan as a ‘‘rogue’’ state. Interesting. That India and Pakistan’s mutual recrimination is side-swiping USA.

* Doordarshan is becoming as voyeuristic as the private channels. The Prime Minister complains, publicly, about the electronic media’s repetition of violent visuals of Gujarat. Doordarshan, Wednesday and Thursday, dwelt lovingly on the remains of the three dead Jammu attackers. If it’s the enemy it’s okay?

* Sonia Gandhi revealed she can speak Hindi without it being scripted for her in Roman letters. Impromptu statements in Hindi to live TV cameras during her visit to Jammu, included pithy phrases such as ‘‘insaniyat ka dushman’’. Goodbye Roman Holiday, hello Roman Hindi!

* On the subject of the news: TV news channels have scrolled news running at the bottom of the screen. These are meant to give you the headlines and latest developments. How very thoughtful. Also, rather irritating. For some inexplicable reason, the scroll alternates between Hindi and English, every other sentence. Which means we have to simultaneously read two languages — that’s a strain on the eyes and our minds. Secondly, very often, the English scroll is different from the Hindi scroll, so not only are we reading two different languages, we are also reading two different news items in two different languages. Not viewer-friendly.

* Lastly, to Conditional Access System (CAS) which was passed by the Lok Sabha, last week. The system will allow viewers to pay for only those pay channels they want to receive instead of the whole enchilada. To that extent, it is welcome. However, in the amendments introduced to the Cable Regulation Act to enable CAS, the government has armed itself with the authority to ‘‘specify’’ which free-to-air channels should be included by cable operators, the number of these to be included in the package by cable operators in different areas, states etc., to ‘‘specify’’ the amount to be paid for these free-to-air channels. Every cable operators is asked to submit a report to the Central government, on the number of subscribers, subscription rates and the number of subscribers receiving programmes on free-to-air channels and on pay channels. Unexceptional, you say? Perhaps.

At a time when the central government is disinvesting its stake in public sector companies such as Maruti and IPCL, why is it increasing its hold over the broadcast sector and what you or I watch? Surely, an independent broadcast authority to regulate and watch-dog the industry, is a more appropriate body than the Government? Why is government reluctant to appoint one?