Tags:
Journalism of Courage
Haryana Blues Dec 1999
I hate this small town and I have to escape. My dad8217;s a landlord with a feudal mindset and wants to marry me off. To whom? Probably some brute who beats his wife every night. So I too can be battered like my cousins. I want to be a Bollywood actress. I have to run away.
Skulking Around the Capital Feb 2000
I8217;ve managed to convince my parents to send me to Delhi for college. But they8217;ve insisted on moving with me! I8217;ve landed a couple of modelling assignments on the sly, but if I8217;m caught, I8217;ll be back in Haryana. But these are only print ads. I have to move to Mumbai. I8217;m so scared; I don8217;t know a single person there.
I8217;ve run away and I8217;m finally on my own. Yet things have been tough in Mumbai. I8217;m living in a dingy apartment and I8217;m lonely. I8217;ve changed my name to Mallika Sherawat because no actress has a name like Reena Lamba. Every screen test I go to has hundreds of girls trying their luck. My chances are remote and I8217;m insecure. They refer to you by a number, not even your name. My sense of self-worth is dropping. But failure isn8217;t an option. What do I have to fall back on? What do I have to go back to? Nothing.
Foot in the Door July 2001
I got my film role!! It8217;s a small part, but it has stars like Tushaar Kapoor and Kareena Kapoor acting. I8217;m in complete awe of her, and Abhishek Bachchan visits the sets sometimes! I even have a song, which is just what I need to get noticed. This is my big break.
The Outsider Aug 2001
I can8217;t believe Kareena can be so immature. She keeps giggling at me on the sets and passing snide remarks. It8217;s so mean. Kareena, Abhishek and Tushaar sit together on the sets in their little dynastic club. I read a book and keep to myself. I feel like a complete outsider. Worst of all my song8217;s been chopped, which is devastating. I ask the producer not to include me in the film8217;s publicity. You can8217;t trust anyone in this industry. And it8217;s dominated by these dynasties who don8217;t want to let anyone else in. But this incident has strengthened my resolve and I won8217;t let anyone make me feel small again.
Khwahish Sept 2001
I8217;ve been offered this powerful role in a movie that has 17 kissing scenes in it. I8217;m being advised against doing it. I8217;m playing a woman who8217;s open about her sexual needs. If she8217;s horny and feels like kissing, she does. Govind Menon8217;s a new director but he8217;s not filmi and knows what he8217;s doing. Menon studied theatre at Middlebury College, Vermont, and film at the University of Texas. But what will my parents think?
Tough Times Mar 2002
Khwahish is a small budget film with a brand new banner, director and cast. And it8217;s proving really hard to sell the film to distributors. We have no resources and our publicity budget is low. This endless wait is scary. How am I going to survive?
Trash Talk Nov 2002
I8217;m getting offers but only sidekick or overtly sexual roles. I have to restrain myself, because I need the money: I8217;m a single girl taking care of herself in Mumbai. There8217;s a lot of talk in filmi circles about me; people have started talking about Khwahish. And newspapers have begun writing trashy articles. My father has stopped talking to me.
Nation of Prudes May 2003
This is the only country in the world where you8217;re made to feel ashamed of your sexuality. I can8217;t relate to the child-woman image. It8217;s so fake. I8217;m proud of my body and am comfortable in a bikini. If you look at the Indian demographic, most people are below 30. I8217;d rather be popular among the youth than the stodgy lot. Age bestows wisdom but also senility.
Vindicated June 2003
Khwahish is a hit!! It was a big risk but it paid off. My parents had to buy tickets in black. When most new girls are offered a part they consider the hero and director, the costumes and songs. They don8217;t care enough about the role. Where is Gracy Singh today?? And after you get the role you have to deliver!! I8217;m getting lots of fan mail and film offers8212;which feels fabulous. Yet most producers offer me similar parts, saying things like 8216;8216;Mallikaji thoda sa glamourous role hain, thoda sa expose karna padega.8217;8217;
Thinking Global Aug 2003
Khwahish has given me money and I8217;ve moved into a nice new apartment. My immediate needs have been taken care of, but I need to keep growing. I8217;m reading books on Stanley Kubrick and Krysztof Kielowski, trying to understand how the best film-makers work and think. I8217;m planning to study acting at the Strasburg School in New York. Forget Bollywood, I8217;m gunning for the world stage.
I8217;m a Bhatt Girl! Sept 2003
Wow! This is awesome! I8217;ve been signed to play the lead role in a Bhatt film. It8217;s so early in my career and I8217;m already being offered meaty parts; I8217;m not playing the sidekick to a hero.
I don8217;t belong to a filmi family and I8217;ve done it all on my own.
