Illusions of sleep

The word sleep weaves its magic for most people as they happily float into the land of fantasy and dream. But, sadly, this has never been...

The word sleep weaves its magic for most people as they happily float into the land of fantasy and dream. But, sadly, this has never been a lucky happening for me. For me, night is endless hours of restless wakefulness experimenting with new ideas and discoveries all by myself. I had not realised I was part of this select club of insomniacs until I met a few sleepwalkers!

The shrill horn sound of the truck which passes the house around midnight starts my nightlife. The headlight of the fleeting truck floods the drawing room with fluorescence and it has become a ritual over the years. In fact, I look forward to it now.

The travails of the lonely, long nights are endless. I have tried countless methods to fill those moments and try not to miss the lack of the human voice around me. Sometimes, I dust and re-dust the same sofas or mix8217;n match the cushions to the colour of the wall. I have even contrasted them to the flower paintings adorning the wall or the terra-cotta statues in the shelves. Once, I tried apunk look for the room but had to bear the brunt the next day!

I have learnt the art of scraping coconuts and discussing the finer points of grains all night long. Over the years, I have also discovered a chef in me. Apart from providing a surprise for my family in the morning, it hasn8217;t helped me!

A major part of my long nights goes in reading. From classics to classifieds I have read them all. The books in the shelves have been read over and over again and by now I can describe explicitly how Fenny refused love of Charles in Mansfield Park or how Catherine falls in love with Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights. From the classifieds I can give you expert advice on the market fluctuations on Second Sale8217;.

But, nothing, nothing has helped me so far.Once, I even tried the friendly chat line advertised so beguilingly in all the channels just to talk to someone. The person on the other end sounded disinterested and sleepy! Imagine my disappointment then!

By now, I am familiar with the approximate time zonesand have watched all the programmes that appear in different channels, the repeats of the earlier TV programmes and the redundant songs on Chanel V and MTV. I have seen them all. Nowadays my friends don8217;t even bother reading the entertainment page for information on TV. They just ask me! I have dabbled with painting and even written poems on my sleeplessness just to fall asleep. Sleep still eludes me! Listening to music induces sleep or so I heard. Over the years, I have collected an assortment of cassettes from Indian raagas to American jazz. But, nothing has enticed me to the dreamland so far.

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I have tried old grandmother remedies to the modern science cure without succeeding. The warm milk with haldi and the cool baths only during summers though failed to cast its magic on me. I have tried aerobics at two thirty in the morning and meditation on a rainy day as a desperate effort without success. A friend recently presented a tape from a fitness guru, but no dice.

From counting sheep to stargazing,I8217;ve had my mind on everything but the gift of nature has eluded me. I have slept on coir mattresses to satin sheets, from foam pillows to cotton-filled ones but in vain!

The only relief is that when the world wakes up I am deep into my dream world. Thankfully, my work provides me enough flexibility so that I can finish my work on time. It was just the other day that I read an article on the good qualities of sleep, the way good sleep nurtures the body and mind. It has made me worried 8212; was my body wasting away. Horror, that8217;s the latest worry that keeps me sleepless.