Going out on a limb on very little

Headlines Today gets a free garment from LFW for the most unusual show — Fashion Police. Here, two self-styled fashion experts assess celebrities. Since there were none, they turned to Bina Ramani or Nisha Singh. The idea was to do on air what, we suspect, happened at the event: bitch about how everyone (but you) looked. However, the ‘judges’ gave their victims high marks, so why bother? The makeover obsession is not restricted to Jassi. Throughout LFW, NDTV had 14 guinea human beings who arrived at the event looking like a couple but after Makeover, they may have sued for a divorce on grounds of unrecognizable differences! Take Preeti and Rahul-excited-to-be-here from Udaipur. Preeti with ‘‘an Indian face and Indian hair’’ came out in wavy hair and scraped into a white linen dress. Rahul repeated one stock phrase: ‘‘I am feeling very nice’’ when you could clearly see he was feeling very nervous. His hair was shorn and gelled, his patterned shirt was hangin’ loose and the designers told him he looked ‘‘very young’’. ‘‘I am feeling very nice,’’ he said looking very stunned and unlike himself.

Talk of mismatches, here’s one that Pope Benedict would sternly disapprove of. On the day that the smoke blew white and Cardinal Ratzinger appeared on the balcony as the new pontiff, Aaj Tak placed him in box alongside the bar girls of Mumbai! How’s that for the sacred and the profane?

And speaking of people who stick to one phrase in a tight spot like poor Rahul, what about Gautam Goswami in The Indian Express flood relief scam? Each time anchor Barkha Dutt asked a question (It is said people are jealous of you, what is your relationship with Sadhu Yadav, have you been made a scapegoat, etc) he replied, ‘‘I can’t comment’’ — then why come on the show? —‘‘The Vigilance Inquiry will bring out everything…’’

Lastly, the Davis Cup from Jaipur (DD Sports). Here we are in the Pink City, said the man in a pink-mauve shirt, where there is beautiful weather and the brilliance of the sun shining down on the brilliance of the Indian players who have played brilliantly to conquer their opponents (or words to that effect). If ‘‘brilliant ’’ against Uzbekistan (on grass), what would he have said of stronger opponents on clay? And, would someone please explain what the commentator meant when he said during the first set of the first match between Paes and Dostov after a break Paes’ serve: ‘‘Woh match pehli baar haare woh’’?

Where are you Vijay Amrithraj?