Football three, cricket zero

Yet, in a way, the cricket fan is lucky. He can always pretend to be a football freak. After all, it is just a matter of one month. But what about those who write on cricket for a living? It8217;s a unique and unfamiliar existential crisis.

One fine morning, you realise that you are speaking in an empty auditorium. Where are all those guys hanging on to your words, eagerly waiting for that inside take on the Indian team? Don8217;tyou want to know the latest scores? Don8217;t you want any free passes any more? No reply. Football two, cricket zero.

There8217;s one consolation, though. A small news item with a Chennai dateline that appeared just before the Indian cricket team left for Sri Lanka.

Apparently, our cricketers are grappling with a similar existential angst.

Nobody wants to interview them. Where were the television crews? The popping flashbulbs? The swarms of reporters? Facing a dizzying predicament, coach Ansuman Gaekwad even came out with a few controversial tidbits, only to see them buried somewhere deep down in the sports pages. He could well have been the coach of the Indian kabaddi team. Football three, cricket zero. Final whistle.

But hang on, wait a minute. Don8217;t you remember Australia8217;s tour of India? Tendulkar versus Warne? The Sharjah final? Sorry boss, I can8217;t hear you.

It8217;s football time, the World Cup is on. Isn8217;t it amazing how a country of 900 million cricket experts have switched channels without a secondthought? Suddenly, names like Vlaovic and Inzaghi roll so smoothly off tongues which never got round to pronouncing the name of Inivalappil Mani Vijayan, our own football hero.

How many of these World Cup-watchers know that such a player exists? And yes, with so many football fans sprouting all over the country, why did the national football league run to empty stands this year? Allow me, at this juncture, to introduce Mr Oh-I-was-a-football-expert-all-along. Most of you might already have met him.

At the office, at the bus stop, at restaurants, pubs, or even staring at you from the mirror over your washbasin. And all those who haven8217;t should get to know him this time. Because it is he who has been exposed in this World Cup more than those scantily-clad fans jamming stadiums in France.

Watch that ear perk up as the TV commentator explains why Brazil8217;s coach Mario Zagallo should rein in Roberto Carlos. Our friend could never have heard either name in his life. But now, he has already started practisingthat patient smile which will take him through another day in office as he explains to his overawed, jealous or bored colleagues why Zagallo should rein in Carlos. The topic for the day after could be France8217;s lack of a striker or the injury of Dutch defender Bogarde or something even more profound.

And God forbid if you happen to mention cricket in his presence. He may have been screaming his head off when Tendulkar gave India the Sharjah Cup a couple of months back. But mention Tendulkar now and his lip will curl in disgust.

He will remind you that cricket is a game for the lazy. He will point out that it is a game played in just twelve countries. Mark him well. If possible, tape him. For you will meet him again, next year, during the cricket World Cup in England. And there, he will refuse to recognise you.