Cricket’s the only game in town

What distinguishes them is finesse, style and graciousness. Forget that many of those present have checked in and out of rehab, been arrested for violence, abusive/racist language and other dysfunctional behaviour. On the night, Hollywood spits and polishes its image and appears at its best. And to help achieve this, it looked to the world: There were more presenters from Europe and Asia than ever before. Is Hollywood going global or is the world coming to Los Angeles?

Back to our fave sport. A month before the contest, the game began. Did it ever stop? When last did you watch a news bulletin without cricket and/or the Indian cricket team? That’s like asking when was the last time you didn’t see Amitabh Bachchan or Rakhi Sawant on TV. Never.

Watching the news you’d think we were in the finals. Every day. Cricket is headline news, every day: Ganguly is back in favour — with the sponsors — the Indian team’s got a new outfit (more absorbent for sweat, was one of its more interesting features, reportedly, and you couldn’t help but stare at Rahul’s, Sachin’s and Gangs’s armpits!), Irfan’s back, Ponting’s spine, Yuvraj’s knee, Brett Lee’s ankle, Haydn’s toe, Symonds shoulder, Clarke’s whichever-part-of-the-body — all top of the line stories.

Next, daily analysis of these injuries, and a motley assortment of former cricketers on subjects as wide-ranging as team selection, team selection and team selection. Gavaskar, Srikkanth, Amarnath, Manjrekar, Patil, Jadeja, Kapil Dev, More, Shastri, Madan Lal, Srinath — not a bad 11 to field for the World Cup. More players (Kirti Azad, Saba Karim, Yashpal Sharma, Ashok Malhotra…) journalists, historians, and the average compulsive obsessive cricket lover tell the selectors, coach and captain how to win the Cup. One bats for Laxman, another bowls for Romesh Powar, a third raises his finger against Sachin Tendulkar as vice captain (that yorker from Kapil Dev) — and most fielded for the inclusion of Virendra Sehwag. There are statistics, graphs, replays, sms questions, panel discussions (Big Fight, NDTV), audience debates, interviews… why, even Ian Chappell’s assessing India’s chances (Times Now). One missing person is our favourite Yorkshire terrier, Sir Geoffrey. Has he Boycott-ed us?

Sports channels don’t waste time on words, they bring us the action — India’s 1983 World Cup victory for the billionth time. And every other victory we ever achieved in the one-day that was recorded — you never see Kapil Dev versus Zimbabwe in 1983 because no one bothered to broadcast the match, no doubt believing the teams had about as much of a chance to win the WC as the team we see playing cricket on the bus roofs and roads of Mumbai in the latest, wonderful Nike TV commercial.

TV commercials: Every second one is cricket, even Kurkure snack food. There’s the forthcoming film, Hat trick, a cricket talent hunt show on DD National… all that’s left is for us to play some cricket-music.

P.S. The award for best performance for continuous loud speaking goes to Lalu Yadav for his budget speech.