Charge-sheeted d’Affairs

The principal secretary, PMO, gazed somberly at the cabinet secretary and the home secretary. “Gentlemen, the PM is deeply disturbed by the charges made by the UN’s Volcker Committee against ex-Foreign Minister Shri Natwar Singh. He feels that India’s case for a permanent charge-sheet…er, seat…on the Security Council may have been jeopardised. Indeed, I distinctly heard the PM mutter that the affair has given new meaning to the term ‘charge d’affairs’! While Justice Pathak will conduct a regular probe into the matter, our brief is to identify an informal panel of ministers who will separately examine Volcker’s charges.”

“I think we should select the panel from non-Congress ministers,” suggested the CS. “That will prevent any criticism by the Opposition on the grounds that the Congress party itself has been indicted by Volcker. I have a list of possible ministers ready with me.” The PS (PMO) nodded. “An ideal choice would have been Shri Jai Narain Yadav, Hon’ble Minister of State for Water Resources,” the CS went on, “but alas, he is now under judicial custody for helping his brother, an RJD candidate in the Bihar elections, escape from police custody. What about Shri M.A. Fatimi, minister of state for HRD?”

The HS consulted a file and shook his head sadly. “He is under charge-sheet for various criminal offences including extortion and kidnapping. No, I think we’ll have to cast our net wider, so to speak. Hm…what about Shri Premchand Gupta, MOS Company Affairs?”

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The CS consulted his papers. “Charged by the Enforcement Directorate with foreign exchange violation amounting to $ 4.725 million,” he announced. “I have an idea,” murmured the HS. “If Shri Shibu Soren is re-inducted into the cabinet, perhaps we could empanel him? After all, he has already obtained bail for the charges against him, so it’s not likely he will abscond again?”

The PS(PMO) shuddered. “Definitely not!” he exclaimed. “Surely there must be others? What about Congress ministers, then? Non-controversial ones, I mean,” he added hastily. The CS made a few quiet cellphone calls, but to little avail. “Enough!” yelled the PS (PMO), clutching his head. “Surely, gentleman, we can come up with at least one suitable name?”

The HS and CS looked at each other and then at him. “Well…there is always the Hon’ble Railway Minister Laloo Prasad Yadav,” they murmured.