A wedding for the aam aadmi?

Over the last two weeks, there has been a spate of extravagant Congress weddings. Remember, this is a party that has laid claim to the legacy of Gandhi, that purports to speak on behalf of the poorest Indian, that won an election recently on these very claims. It is also surprising that Congressmen and women — usually so keen to emulate the party’s First Family — hardly make an effort to follow the model set by the Nehru-Gandhi family for the last 60 years. When Indira married Feroze, she wore no jewellery — only flowers adorned her. Her pink khadi sari was spun by Jawaharlal Nehru himself, even as he devised a very special wedding ceremony at Anand Bhavan for his only child. That, of course, was a different era. Decades later, Rajiv and Sonia tied the knot at 1, Safdarjung Road. Those who attended it say that it was a very select gathering which had witnessed them exchanging garlands and then signing the register on the lawns of Indira Gandhi’s house. Later there was a dinner for around 40 to 50 people. For all the family’s links with Jammu and Kashmir, the only person who was invited to attend the function from the state was not the chief minister, not the governor, not a minister, not a businessman. It was a person called Ramzana, a ‘ghoriwalla’, who used to take Rajiv around on the pony whenever the family visited the state.

Sanjay Gandhi’s wedding to Maneka was held in the home of family friend, Mohammed Yunus, and each side came with only 15 people. More recently, at Priyanka’s wedding at 10, Janpath, Sonia carried forward the tradition and in order to limit the numbers, she had to call only one person from each family among a large number of relatives. She also showed that it was possible to do things aesthetically, and with care, without opulence.

It is not as if Nehru could not afford a more extravagant wedding for his daughter or, for that matter, Indira Gandhi, for her sons. She was the prime minister at the time, after all. Or that Sonia could not have had thousands of people come for Priyanka’s wedding. The point is that they chose not to do so. Nehru (he, incidentally, had had a lavish wedding which he described in his autobiography) believed in the saying that marriage is “a public declaration of private intention”, something to be shared with an intimate circle of friends and family who constitute what is called the ‘biradari”.

There are two other aspects to this issue. The first is an obvious one: the pressure that such extravaganzas place on the families of brides, who are left holding the bills in most cases. The familiar plague of dowry demands and its link to dowry deaths are too well-known to be delineated here. Despite changing lifestyles and perceptions, families — from every strata of society — continue to worry over the marriages of their daughters.

Second, it is the rich and powerful who set the standards. They may be able to afford it, they may claim to have earned their money “honestly”, they may claim to be against the practice of dowry, but there is a spin off effect of what they do because of their status. Their actions set goals for others, define expectations and compel many to resort to dubious means in order to fulfil them. It goes without saying that it is black money that is fuelling much of the conspicuous consumption that is being showcased in our weddings.

Pakistan has recently introduce a law prohibiting the serving of dinner on the marriage day, an event that is normally the responsibility of the girl’s family. The J&K government also moved a Bill not long ago limiting what is to be served on the wedding day. But this is not a matter of law alone. It is a question of sensitivity and of social responsibility. Politicians today are trying to ape the weddings of the super-rich, the Laxmi Mittals and Subroto Roys. In doing so, they reveal a mindset that is far removed from the concerns of ordinary people. That is why a public display of wealth by them comes across as vulgar. After all, public office means public accountability and the setting of public standards.