The journey of love changes shape as we age. Our expectations and priorities shift dramatically from "carefree" twenties to more "grounded" thirties and beyond. In an interview with Hauterrfly, actor Kritika Kamra reflected on how understanding of love evolves over time. “In our twenties, we’re all stupid; because obviously, we have been bred on what we see in movies, read in books or listen to in songs,” she said. “Then real life happens to you and you realise there is nothing like that and love is a lot of work. It’s work every day… and what I have also realised recently is that ‘like’ is very important. We really have to like somebody and their presence, their company, their views, their values, to be able to be in love with them and to be with them beyond love (sic)," Kamra said. View this post on Instagram A post shared by HAUTERRFLY | A Fork Media Group Co. (@hauterrfly) Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist at The Answer Room, explained that love in our twenties is often viewed through an idealistic lens. “In our twenties, expectations around love are shaped by idealism and excitement. Many young adults look for intense romance, chemistry or a sense of adventure often shaped around someone who 'completes' them meeting societal images of love seen in movies and social media," she said. However, this rosy perspective often undergoes a significant transformation as we enter our thirties. "As one ages and reaches thirties, the expectation takes a realistic turn and it is often due to real life experiences.” How life experiences reshape our view of love What drives this shift in how we approach relationships? According to Khangarot, “Personal growth, past relationships, and career pursuits significantly impact expectations over time. Challenging experiences teach us what we value most in a partner. Someone with past setbacks or traumas often seeks emotional security and maturity over physical attraction.” As our life goals become clearer, so do our preferences in a partner. “For example, a career-driven person might seek someone equally ambitious, while a family-oriented person will value a partner who understands the importance of family," she said. Signs of mature love expectations How can one tell if their approach to relationships has truly matured? Khangarot detailed several key indicators. “Emotional maturity is reflected in a shift toward valuing trust, emotional availability, and respect over superficial traits. A mature person is less likely to compromise their boundaries and will handle conflicts more openly,” she said. Perhaps most importantly, mature love involves understanding that it’s an active choice rather than just a feeling. “Mature partners are open to both giving and receiving love, realising it’s a daily choice. On days when they feel angry, they choose to support their partner. On days when they feel unloved, they still prioritise providing for their partner,” she explains. Finding love at different life stages How can individuals navigate finding the right partner as their relationship goals evolve? Khangarot emphasises the importance of self-awareness. “As relationship goals shift, focusing on core values, emotional needs, and interests becomes key before seeking a partner,” she said. Open communication from the start is essential: “Discussing these priorities early ensures both parties are aligned.” Khangarot also noted that patience and flexibility are crucial: “Taking things slowly helps assess compatibility and a genuine connection over idealised expectations.”
