After giving birth to daughter, Radhika Apte confesses neither she nor husband ‘wanted kids, but there was this one per cent curiosity…’

The actress admitted that neither she nor her husband had initially envisioned parenthood for themselves. “I think it’s easier when people know whether they want a child or not. In our case, neither of us wanted kids, but there was this one per cent curiosity about what it would be like. Then, when this happened, we wondered whether to even go ahead.” she confessed.

These honest reflections highlight a common yet under-discussed facet of new motherhood—mixed emotions that defy society’s ideals of maternal certainty and joy.

 

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The psychology of new motherhood

Counselling psychologist Priyamvada Tendulkar explains that becoming a mother is a profound identity shift, often accompanied by ambivalence. “It’s crucial to validate a new mother’s mixed emotions, whether joy, guilt, fear, or frustration, without judgment,” Tendulkar notes. Contrary to the societal narrative of the “perfect, self-sacrificing mother,” a mother is human first—flawed, emotional, and perfectly imperfect.

New mothers often experience an existential identity crisis, mourning the freedom of their previous lives while grappling with the immense responsibility of nurturing another human. Tendulkar stresses that embracing these feelings as normal allows women to find a deeper purpose in their new role without succumbing to guilt or self-criticism.

Navigating parenthood: Practical and emotional strategies

Tendulkar suggested some strategies one can adopt to deal with these challenges:

• Processing Past Influences: A mother’s relationship with her mother can unconsciously shape her parenting approach. Reflecting on these influences helps new mothers build a parenting style that aligns with their unique values.
• Accepting Uncertainty: Parenthood is unpredictable. Acknowledging this truth can reduce anxiety and promote resilience.
• Challenging Perfectionism: The “perfect mom” myth can be damaging. Instead, mothers should strive to be “good enough,” fostering a realistic and sustainable mindset.
• Reframing Self-Criticism: A supportive network can help mothers reinterpret feelings of inadequacy as natural responses to a demanding role.
• Rational Self-Talk: Encouraging affirmations like “I’m learning every day” or “It’s okay to ask for help” can help mothers practice self-compassion.

Radhika’s honesty about her uncertainties underscores the importance of normalising these conversations. As she eloquently describes, motherhood is a journey of self-discovery—messy, beautiful, and transformative.