Tillotama Shome says she faced many moments of ‘deep despair’ in career: ‘I became bitter, angry and cynical’

Drawing reference from her own past experience, Shome said that her perseverance helped her survive the industry for more than two decades. “In the last few years, I had more work than in my 20s and 30s. The waiting period taught me to be my best friend, with resilience and patience. And Lipika has those qualities too. She is chasing Shelly for years, who is a giant in himself, and almost unapproachable. Similarly, no one in my family understands this profession, they never had any advice for me but I continued with it for years. I don’t call it a miracle or magic but the power of stubbornness. I knew I would not budge, what may come.”

Crediting the OTT platform for the same she shared how over the years, she did a lot of work but not many got theatrical releases. Tillotama shared that while she was not sitting at home, her work was inaccessible to most in the country. “It was an ironic situation, where a woman with a secular upbringing, who moved at length across the country, her work was never seen in India. Thanks to international film festivals and their generosity, my career survived. I feel lucky that today, at this stage and age of life, I am getting to act in a diversity of roles. There is no pressure of theatrical releases and there’s a certain democratic and level playing,” she added.

India is known as a star-crazy nation, and in recent times we are seeing the biggest stars on OTT platforms. The actor however sees this as a ‘lovely change’ as it has made the world quite brave. Shome shared that the pandemic was hard on producers, and distributors and everyone has to learn how to pivot ahead. She added that it’s an exciting time as it seems like everyone is ‘partying together’. “There is space for everyone and finally there seems to be no division between mainstream and indie cinema. Kaan pak gaye the yeh sun sun ke (I was tired listening to it). After all each one of us is just an actor, some may be more popular than others, but finally everyone is on the same platform.”

Recalling her low moments in life, Tillotama Shome shared that she went through ‘many moments of deep despair’. However, she had a supportive partner and parents who supported her. “When you don’t get an opportunity to express your creativity, you start questioning whether it even exists,” she shared, adding that her Buddhist practice helped her sail through. The actor added that it was important to understand that she has a life outside her work.

When one is down and vulnerable, many have all kinds of advice for another. Sharing that when she moved to Mumbai, she was already 30, and many did say that she is ‘too old’ to be an actor. “Someone also mentioned how I might want to get plastic surgery to enhance my looks. It felt strange even when I knew that the advice came from a good place. Maybe she had experienced something but I was not willing to do it all. Today, I am 44 and I feel quite hot and happy and I look forward to aging and playing different kinds of women. I can also hope that my story can perhaps give hope to someone.”

On a final note, the actor touched upon recognition and awards that most hold important in life. Tillotama shared that while she feels great, she has made peace about not getting validation. “Otherwise I would have become cynical. I have received many awards internationally but not in India. And when that happened, I was at my worst and no one wants to work with an angry, cynical and depressed person, even if they have every reason to be working. I was so bitter that I never want to go back there. Today, if I am not recognised or don’t get an award, it doesn’t affect me. I understand life is like a wave, with ups and downs. I want to do things that nourish me so that I am able to sustain myself for long. I want this to be my career till I die and for that, I need to have the right and positive approach, and also be able to give time to my marriage, parents and hobbies.”