Tried and Tired

CAST: Vanessa Paradis,Romain Duris,Julie Ferrier,Francois Damiens,Andrew Lincoln

Rating: **

She (Juliette,played by Paradis) is the kind of heiress who spurns father’s “dirty money” to be a self-made woman but blindly signs a cheque for $50,000 to get a man,who claims to have been hired by her father to act as a bodyguard,off her back.

He (Duris playing Alex) is the kind of guy who doesn’t mind hiring street-kids in Morocco to act as ailing children needing a vaccination to seduce a woman so that he can break up her relationship with a “useless” guy.

They listen to George Michael,dance to Dirty Dancing,watch some dolphins jump,gaze at an island,and it’s love. Though he has been spying on her,from bathroom to bedroom and ballroom,and lying about loving Patrick Swayze just to get her to break her impending marriage,it’s just water under Monaco’s swirling sea.

That part never,ever comes up between them. Why such complications when Heartbreaker is more content falling back on tried and tested gags. Such as Alex’s sniping sister and brother-in-law who are partners in this 10-year-old business of getting “women”,not men mind you,out of relationships they don’t want. And Juliette’s friend Sophie,a “nymphomaniac” who,of course,jumps Alex within hours of meeting him.

Juliette doesn’t notice that,or the unlikelihood of Alex not just knowing her favourite singer and film but also sharing her slight disability. But then he also lands up at the opera the same night as her and,sitting in the audience,acts out playing the piano with great enthusiasm,narrowly missing hitting the person sitting next to him. Nobody laughs.