Eternity movie review: A rare A24 Films misfire

At the heart of the triangle is an attractive and reasonably smart woman, Joan (Olsen), who takes it for granted that she must choose between two men whom she had been married to in life, to spend her eternity with. The first man is Luke (Turner), whom she was married to briefly, before he was killed in the Korean War. He has spent 67 years since, waiting for Joan to show up at the junction one day. The second man is Larry (Teller), who spent 65 happy married years with Joan after Luke’s death, over the course of which they had children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

In Eternity, people are returned in the afterlife to that biological age in which they were the happiest. And, of course, so that this love triangle is as tangle-free as possible, all three of our protagonists have chosen their prime 30s, with good looks and solid knees intact. No one mentions that neither Larry nor Joan are returned to the time when they had already become parents – because that would just complicate matters, wouldn’t it?

As it happens, there is nary a trouble in this paradise. Even though the two “ACs (Afterlife Counsellors)”, Anna (Randolph) and Ryan (Early) – each dead person is assigned one – insist there is nothing such as heaven, the worlds of Eternity, where sun shines bright where it should, snow falls where it should, lakes lie crystal clear where they should, the air is clear, and there is no office or school day on the horizon, seem pretty damn close.

Anna and Early also imply that there is no hell, even while dodging any deeper questions on the matter.

Having had the fill of “the hot, dreamy, perfect” Luke (he isn’t that hot, dreamy or perfect) and the average Joe Larry (he isn’t that average Joe), could Joan not be dreaming of other options? However, in this peachy perfect paradise, that’s not even on anybody’s mind, including Larry and Luke’s as they wrestle it out like teenagers for Joan’s affections.

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You can see the ending coming a long way off, even if the film wants you to ponder – briefly – about “love that has not been tested by loss” versus “youthful love”.

Above all, as the criminally underutilised Randolph plods along with Early to nudge this square love triangle along, you can’t help but dislike the three who won’t count their blessings. It does feel like an eternity.

Eternity movie director: David Freyne
Eternity movie cast: Elizabeth Olsen, Miles Teller, Callum Turner, Da’Vine Joy Randolph, John Early
Eternity movie rating: 2 stars