Spare us in 2014: Film trends we would not like to see this year

We are still reeling from the past successes of hits from the southern region of India. For creative liberty of the filmdom,this success has been nothing less than catastrophic. Now every filmmaker packs one big star with ear splitting sound effects to serve south superhits. This year,we would like to exempt ourselves from such misery. Give us some original,distinctive and apt stuff.

Impoverished Words

Dear lyricists,the drought in your poetic land is too severe. Please plant a sapling of inspired writing or take a cue from our dear old Gulzar saab. He writes item songs such as Kajra re or Beedi jalaile but with so much lyrical flamboyance. We don’t want to be moralists and call these vulgar,but it’s high time you stop producing such songs and give a break to poor Munni,Sheila,Pinky,Chameli and their ilk. And we promise that we’ll never desert you.

Don’t Kid A Kidder

The plastering of anti-smoking blurbs in films implies that our dear Censor Board thinks we are children of the lesser God,as if our right hand hasn’t seen our left hand since we were born. Woody Allen did the right thing by showing

middle finger to our censor’s mother pious

nature. Wipe out those blurbs please.

Copy Shop

Can we have less of plagiarised ideas and tunes lifted from here,there and everywhere? Look at the internet. We are all exposed to cinema and sounds from different countries,be it Korean or Scandinavian. The day is not far when this dark corner will turn absolutely pitch black. If you can’t do without it,go and make a certified copy.

Money Talkies

We are so tired of this Rs 100-crore club talk and so on. Week after week,everyone rallies around with how much a film has made over the weekend,and how many records it has broken. Somehow money has become big,and bigger. It’s the pictures that got small. If content talk is too much to ask for,can we at least have a balance between money-driven blockbusters and small,mythical good films?

Classic Buster

What Ram Gopal Varma did to Sholay a few years ago was nothing short of a nightmare,and then last year,we witnessed the butchering of the iconic ‘Miss Chamko’ scene. But the most troublesome aspect was the mockery of Amitabh Bachchan’s iconic turn as the angry young man in the Zanjeer remake. We would like to re-watch our cinematic classics,not remake and destroy. Please.

Stop the RT button

Everyone loves praises. But there’s a limit. Before every film release,our industry flies up by retweeting superlative praises of their new releases by their adored ‘friends’. So much so that we are led to believe that there’s a Guide or a Pyaasa being born every Friday. Please stop those RTs. We all know how brilliant your films are.