Rock of Ages

Indian Express Ratings:***

Jennifer Hough is a country singer with a big bounce of blonde hair and a flashing set of 32 pearly white teeth. However,that doesn’t an actor make,particularly one given more screen time over better acts or at least more interesting acts in this film based on an Off-Broadway musical and centred around ’80s rock classics.

Diego Bonata looks sweet enough despite years of working at The Bourbon Room,one of the most prominent music clubs on the Sunset Strip in Los Angeles,described by owner Dennis Dupree (Baldwin) affectionately as a “mountain of decadence” overflowing with “foul,pestilent vapours”.

None of that touches Drew (Bonata) though,who takes in a stranger in distress right off the streets into his heart. The sweet Drew in this “sacred rock and roll space” plays the better half of Houghman’s Sherrie.

And that’s what ails Rock of Ages. Who needs this painfully mushy ‘I’ll be waiting for a girl like you’ romance,when there is the vivacious Patricia Whitmore (Zeta-Jones) at the other end singing spiteful,gusty ‘Hit me with your best shot’ revenge against Stacee Jaxx (Cruise)? She is the uptight wife of the LA Mayor,and Stacee the rock star who symbolises all that she believes is “sinful” about rock and roll.

Zeta-Jones,whose robust singing-dancing performance in Chicago made that film almost entirely hers,sizzles in the few scenes Rock of Ages allows her.

Much has been written about Cruise as a mix of Axl Rose,Keith Richards and Jim Morrison,in kohl eyes largely hidden behind glasses,a bandana,a leather garter,a bejewelled crotch and a paunch. It’s the megastar’s scorching satire on stardom: a somewhat talent afloat on an overdose of something of everything,and whispering non-sensical gibberish in what passes for artistic angst.

His comeuppance,so to speak,comes at the hands of a Rolling Stone journalist who questions him and then,in an epiphany,sticks her tongue into his ear. It’s love at first lick.

Baldwin owns The Bourbon Room and again — unlike the young who have to be accommodated in this film about love and talent finding a way to fulfillment and fame — seems a genuine devotee to rock and roll,who has spent his life and earnings on it. His partner Lonny is Brand at his irritating bandy best.

With its dialogue serving more as lame interludes between ’80s hits,Rock of Ages falls back on largely slapstick,body humour and Stacee’s monkey,who responds to the name ‘Hey Man’.

You have heard the jokes before and appreciated the songs in perhaps better circumstances,even if they are sung admirably by its star actors. Def Leppard,Bon Jovi,REO Speedwagon,Pat Benatar,Twisted Sister et al would be impressed.

Yes,Rock of Ages is zesty entertainment. But the whole film plays unfortunately like an over-enthusiastic opening act with the star performer you have paid to see staying away from the stage. And as Sherrie herself says,”No one really cares for the opening act.”

shalini.langer@expressindia.com